I guess the title says it all. In all honesty, I'm more relieved than anything. I saw my father last on November 1st. I tried to encourage him to stay positive but he replied, "Every time I try to think positively, it just seems like I run into set backs. It's as though I shouldn't even try to be positive. All I wanted was to die quickly and painlessly. I can't even succeed at that." My father was a broken man in life and he wasted away in pain during his last months. For whatever he suffered in life, I hope he is happy in the afterlife. Rest in peace, Dad.
Right now, I'm struggling with the conflict between juggling family/cultural obligations vs. financial responsibility. For example, I suspect that my father's brother (my uncle) wants my father's ashes to be buried in the family plot in the old country. I'm not certain, but it appears that the Buddhist Temple would require a yearly maintenance fee or rent that could potentially cost anywhere between $200 - $1,000/year. My mother also believes we need to go back to the old country to hold a memorial for my father's family. The travel costs during the holiday + memorial costs (feeding my father's extended family) could easily run $20,000.
I hate to think of my father in terms of dollar-and-cents, but is it really my burden to carry on this potentially never-ending financial obligation, especially when my father didn't plan for it himself? Am I a bad daughter for even thinking in these terms?
I also feel guilty for feeling grateful that my father passed away before his term life insurance lapsed. This means we'll have some money (~$200k) to hold in trust for my mother in the event she needs to go into an assisted living facility. I'm glad my sister and I had the foresight to file my parent's bankruptcy so that this life insurance money can be preserved for the care of my mother.
There's just something tasteless about not wanting to do something for a deceased parent due to money. But at the same time, I need to do what's financially responsible for me. Where do I draw the line? What are my filial duties and obligations? Perhaps this is one of those questions that have no right-or-wrong answers.
Showing posts with label Life Lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life Lessons. Show all posts
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Last Will and Testament
My father is dying. He's diabetic, suffers from dementia and currently weighs less than 108 lbs. He recently got his blood test results back and it doesn't look good. With CEA levels of >500 mcg/L, he probably has colorectal cancer as well. My father has opted not to get any invasive testing since he also does not want any treatment.
My father was a passive man with little to no initiative to improve his life. (I say "was," since with his diminished mental capacity, there's no point in criticizing him for what he is now.) He was unemployed for most of my childhood until my mother had to pull some nepotism strings to get him a job. It's no wonder that my parents currently have $60,000 in credit card debt with absolutely no assets.
My father never took much care for personal relationships either. He is estranged from my mother and refuses to speak to or acknowledge her although they live together with my sister. When my sister and I were growing up, he never really took any interest or effort to get involved in our lives.
While driving to Phoenix couple of months ago, I borrowed a chick-lit audiobook called "Best Friends Forever" by Jennifer Weiner from the library. In the book, the main character, Addie, gets bullied by the school jocks who graffiti nasty stuff about her on her driveway. Addie's father helps her scrub off the graffiti and encourages her to keep her wits about her since the harassment will eventually end. This made me sad since I don't EVER recall an occasion that my father consoled me when I was down. For example, when I was in the eighth-grade, my classmates ditched me during a class-outing. I came home crying and told my parents what happened. I distinctly remember my father continued to do whatever he was doing. Typical.
Anyhow, what little effort my father spent in developing a relationship with his family, he spent less with others. He really has no one he can call his best friend, other than his younger brother.
The sad life of my father is reflected in his "Last Will and Testament" that he emailed my sister and me. Below is a translation:
It's very sad to see in writing that my father accomplished little towards a fulfilling life. If anything, though, I see my father as a cautionary tale. As a result, I am putting more effort into nurturing my personal relationships. (Hence, the lack of posts.) At the end of the day, I want people to remember me fondly for who I am, not because they owe me a debt of gratitude. Whatever petty issues I have with my family and friends, I need to let them go. As long as I am willing to give more than I get, that shouldn't be a problem.
With respect to personal finances, my father recently gave me some advice:
Last month, my sister an I took our parents to Las Vegas to celebrate Father's Day and my birthday. Since my mother and my father absolutely detest each other, I stayed in one room with my father and my sister stayed with my mother in the other. (How much more dysfunctional can my family be?)
Anyhow, while my father and I were getting ready for dinner, my father looked at a bottle of Fiji water at the mini-bar. My father commented that when he was working in Australia, a co-worker suggested a trip to Fiji and New Zealand. My father said, at the time, he thought that was such a big waste of money and didn't go. He said, "I now wonder whether I should've gone. Now at the end of my life, I think I perhaps I should've taken opportunities when they presented themselves and not be so stingy." Pearls of wisdom from my father. Late, but better than never.
My father was a passive man with little to no initiative to improve his life. (I say "was," since with his diminished mental capacity, there's no point in criticizing him for what he is now.) He was unemployed for most of my childhood until my mother had to pull some nepotism strings to get him a job. It's no wonder that my parents currently have $60,000 in credit card debt with absolutely no assets.
My father never took much care for personal relationships either. He is estranged from my mother and refuses to speak to or acknowledge her although they live together with my sister. When my sister and I were growing up, he never really took any interest or effort to get involved in our lives.
While driving to Phoenix couple of months ago, I borrowed a chick-lit audiobook called "Best Friends Forever" by Jennifer Weiner from the library. In the book, the main character, Addie, gets bullied by the school jocks who graffiti nasty stuff about her on her driveway. Addie's father helps her scrub off the graffiti and encourages her to keep her wits about her since the harassment will eventually end. This made me sad since I don't EVER recall an occasion that my father consoled me when I was down. For example, when I was in the eighth-grade, my classmates ditched me during a class-outing. I came home crying and told my parents what happened. I distinctly remember my father continued to do whatever he was doing. Typical.
Anyhow, what little effort my father spent in developing a relationship with his family, he spent less with others. He really has no one he can call his best friend, other than his younger brother.
The sad life of my father is reflected in his "Last Will and Testament" that he emailed my sister and me. Below is a translation:
This year in October, I will turn 74 years old. I don't know how much longer I will live, so I am setting forth a simple "last will and testament."
Upon my death, please notify the following 3 people:
1.) My younger brother,
2.) Mr. K.M. I am the person who nominated him for various positions he currently holds, so I doubt he would object to your notifying him about my death,
3.) The Buddhist Temple in the old country where the family grave is located. Since I have not been making any offerings to the Temple and since you girls are now US citizens, please notify the Temple that there will be no future communications on behalf of the Family upon my death.
When you dispose of my body, you may also dispose all of my personal belongings as you see fit.
I am sorry that I couldn't do much for my family. I understand that I have a small life insurance policy. Whatever is left over from the proceeds, please give to your mother.
It's very sad to see in writing that my father accomplished little towards a fulfilling life. If anything, though, I see my father as a cautionary tale. As a result, I am putting more effort into nurturing my personal relationships. (Hence, the lack of posts.) At the end of the day, I want people to remember me fondly for who I am, not because they owe me a debt of gratitude. Whatever petty issues I have with my family and friends, I need to let them go. As long as I am willing to give more than I get, that shouldn't be a problem.
With respect to personal finances, my father recently gave me some advice:
Last month, my sister an I took our parents to Las Vegas to celebrate Father's Day and my birthday. Since my mother and my father absolutely detest each other, I stayed in one room with my father and my sister stayed with my mother in the other. (How much more dysfunctional can my family be?)
Anyhow, while my father and I were getting ready for dinner, my father looked at a bottle of Fiji water at the mini-bar. My father commented that when he was working in Australia, a co-worker suggested a trip to Fiji and New Zealand. My father said, at the time, he thought that was such a big waste of money and didn't go. He said, "I now wonder whether I should've gone. Now at the end of my life, I think I perhaps I should've taken opportunities when they presented themselves and not be so stingy." Pearls of wisdom from my father. Late, but better than never.
Monday, April 19, 2010
My Parents Are Moving In With My Big Sis... Today
Lately, the phrase, "the best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray," is running through my head frequently. I previously wrote about how my big sis was planning to buy a house in Arizona and rent it out to my parents in the event that her employer transferred her to another state. I petulantly pouted and threw a tantrum that if my sister went through with the plan, she'll need to take care of my parents, not me.
Well... turns out, my big sis IS taking care of my parents since they're moving in with her. TODAY.
My big sis closed on her brand spankin' new home on New Year's Eve. She bought a 3 BR/2.5 Bath, 1750 sq. ft. home with granite counter tops, all stainless steel appliances (incl. washer/dryer), window treatments AND landscaping inclusive for $250k. (For those of us who live in expensive States, doesn't this make you sick?)
Anyhow, I digress. About a couple of months ago, my sister noticed that my parents got a renewal notice from their landlord. My sister asked what my parents intended to do. My mother confided that they probably can't afford to continue to live in their apartment since they've been using their credit card cash advances to pay their rent. *EGADS*
In response, my sister offered to take them in for $675/month rent. My dad immediately accepted her offer. *DOUBLE EGADS*
My parents live on a fixed income, but not a shabby one. They take in about $3,300/month in pensions and Social Security. So how come they can't afford to pay ~$1,200/month in rent?
Over the past two months, my sister and I have been trying to piece together my parents' finances. Although we're not certain yet, this is what we estimate:
My mom often cries that she wants death to come a day sooner. My dad has been telling anyone that would listen, that his family neglects and abuses him. (My dad is suffering from advanced dementia. For the record, no one is abusing or neglecting him. If anything, he is the one that is emotionally abusive to us all.)
It is appalling to my sister and me that my parents can't seem to appreciate how lucky they are. They are not destitute - - they have over $3,000 in monthly income. ($3k/month NPV is probably more than I can expect in my retirement!) They have children that are willing to step in to care for them. (My parents see this as a cultural birthright, so of course they wouldn't consider this "lucky." *Sigh* Gotta set them straight on this one eventually.) Yet, all they can see is how miserable their lives are.
Being happy or miserable is not only a state of mind but a life choice. I agree that my parents are not in the best financial state. But that's the consequence of their poor (read: no) planning. Rather than accepting the consequences of their failures and attempting to make right, they both claim they are just plain "unlucky." My parents have made their choice to wallow in misery. How sad and depressing.
I tried explaining to my parents that being "lucky" or "unlucky" is not an issue of chance, but is reflective of one's attitude and effort in creating one's luck. The common characteristics of "lucky" people are:
My parents lack all of the characteristics of a "lucky" person. I guess they are indeed unlucky, but unlucky by choice.
Well... turns out, my big sis IS taking care of my parents since they're moving in with her. TODAY.
My big sis closed on her brand spankin' new home on New Year's Eve. She bought a 3 BR/2.5 Bath, 1750 sq. ft. home with granite counter tops, all stainless steel appliances (incl. washer/dryer), window treatments AND landscaping inclusive for $250k. (For those of us who live in expensive States, doesn't this make you sick?)Anyhow, I digress. About a couple of months ago, my sister noticed that my parents got a renewal notice from their landlord. My sister asked what my parents intended to do. My mother confided that they probably can't afford to continue to live in their apartment since they've been using their credit card cash advances to pay their rent. *EGADS*
In response, my sister offered to take them in for $675/month rent. My dad immediately accepted her offer. *DOUBLE EGADS*
My parents live on a fixed income, but not a shabby one. They take in about $3,300/month in pensions and Social Security. So how come they can't afford to pay ~$1,200/month in rent?
Over the past two months, my sister and I have been trying to piece together my parents' finances. Although we're not certain yet, this is what we estimate:
- Approx. $40k in credit card debt;
- My father never signed up for Medicare Part D (prescription drug coverage). His monthly prescription drugs cost about $300-$400/month.
- Supplemental health insurance cost about $500/month.
My mom often cries that she wants death to come a day sooner. My dad has been telling anyone that would listen, that his family neglects and abuses him. (My dad is suffering from advanced dementia. For the record, no one is abusing or neglecting him. If anything, he is the one that is emotionally abusive to us all.)
It is appalling to my sister and me that my parents can't seem to appreciate how lucky they are. They are not destitute - - they have over $3,000 in monthly income. ($3k/month NPV is probably more than I can expect in my retirement!) They have children that are willing to step in to care for them. (My parents see this as a cultural birthright, so of course they wouldn't consider this "lucky." *Sigh* Gotta set them straight on this one eventually.) Yet, all they can see is how miserable their lives are.
Being happy or miserable is not only a state of mind but a life choice. I agree that my parents are not in the best financial state. But that's the consequence of their poor (read: no) planning. Rather than accepting the consequences of their failures and attempting to make right, they both claim they are just plain "unlucky." My parents have made their choice to wallow in misery. How sad and depressing.
I tried explaining to my parents that being "lucky" or "unlucky" is not an issue of chance, but is reflective of one's attitude and effort in creating one's luck. The common characteristics of "lucky" people are:
- being skilled at creating and noticing chance opportunities;
- taking risks on opportunities;
- being flexible and don’t define themselves by others' expectations;
- being able to make decisions by listening to their intuition;
- being able to maintain positive expectations;
- being able to “not give up” and manage to transform bad luck into good.
My parents lack all of the characteristics of a "lucky" person. I guess they are indeed unlucky, but unlucky by choice.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Re-Evaluating My Life
To those of you who’ve expressed concern about my extended absence, thank you.
Since February, I’ve been flying back and forth to my parents’ place to take my father to his various doctors’ appointments. I’ve been depressed due to what I’ve been slowly learning about my parents.
During my visits, both my mother and my father take turns telling me how much they despise one another. My father actively calls my mother “The Monkey,” and refuses to acknowledge her presence or to speak to her. My mother still cooks, cleans and launders for my father, but nothing more. Both are mired in self-pity and have concluded that they are just “unlucky” people. It's just sad and frustrating to see how these people are actively choosing to be miserable during their last days/months/years of their lives. Neither have accepted any responsibility for their current miserable lot in life.
The silver lining in all of this though, is that I had the epiphany that I love my life. I don't want to squander it. I guess you could say that I am lucky to be observing a real-life “what-not-to-do-with-your-life” example first-hand. I've decided to step back and take stock of my life.
I have so much to say, yet it's hard to put down in writing, since I am experiencing a gamut of emotions simultaneously. Once I can get my thoughts organized, I will post bit-by-bit. Stay tuned.
Since February, I’ve been flying back and forth to my parents’ place to take my father to his various doctors’ appointments. I’ve been depressed due to what I’ve been slowly learning about my parents.
During my visits, both my mother and my father take turns telling me how much they despise one another. My father actively calls my mother “The Monkey,” and refuses to acknowledge her presence or to speak to her. My mother still cooks, cleans and launders for my father, but nothing more. Both are mired in self-pity and have concluded that they are just “unlucky” people. It's just sad and frustrating to see how these people are actively choosing to be miserable during their last days/months/years of their lives. Neither have accepted any responsibility for their current miserable lot in life.
The silver lining in all of this though, is that I had the epiphany that I love my life. I don't want to squander it. I guess you could say that I am lucky to be observing a real-life “what-not-to-do-with-your-life” example first-hand. I've decided to step back and take stock of my life.
I have so much to say, yet it's hard to put down in writing, since I am experiencing a gamut of emotions simultaneously. Once I can get my thoughts organized, I will post bit-by-bit. Stay tuned.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
My PF Year in Review
I really don't set up goals every year since (if history is any indication) I tend not to achieve them. Ha ha. But I do set up some personal targets that I haven't posted and I was wondering how I did.
Let's start with the bad news:
1. FICO score of 760 - FAIL
I'm a bit bummed by this one. Strike that - - I'm pretty P.O.'d. But one of the comments on this post made me laugh: "Dear Author shtinkykat.blogspot.com ! I apologise, but, in my opinion, you are not right. I am assured." You're absolutely right, Anonymous commenter. I'm daggum not right in the head. That's nothing new.
But going back to my FICO score, another Anon writer chastised me for being brainwashed by Suze Orman, et al. for being overly concerned about my FICO score. It's not that I'm obsessed with my score, but I do kind of see it as a report card or progress report on how I handle my credit. Although I think the scoring system is a bit bogus and arbitrary, I don't think it's irrelevant. After all, I do hope to be able to buy my first home in the next 2 to 4 years. I will continue to monitor my score.
2. Exercise Regularly and Maintain Ideal Weight - FAIL
You may wonder why I put this category in a PF blog. I do so because I believe that future health costs are one of the biggest threats to my financial security in retirement.
In January I was 110 lbs. Now? I'm a 120 lbs. I've been trying to squeeze myself into my skinny jeans for a couple of weeks and it's been painful. I think I can hear my jeans scream when I squat in them. Or maybe I'm just hearing the seams rip. Ugh. Worse yet, I lead such a sedentary life, my coronary and pulmonary health is probably not great. This is something I need to improve in baby steps.
3. EF Balance of $10,300 by 12/31/09 - FAIL but with good reason
As it stands right now, my EF balance is $8,472, or, -$1,828. The reason why I'm short, though, is because I used $2,219 of my EF to pay off my car early. There's been a bit of debate about whether an EF should be tapped to pay for a car, but I feel I made the right decision. This car is the first car I paid for myself and owned outright. It makes me feel great.
4. Investment Account of $10,900 by 12/31/09 - FAIL but also with good reason
In June, I sold 8 shares of my company stock to ensure that I would have enough money to pay off my credit card debt when the 0% promotional rate ended in October. Had I not sold the 8 shares, my investment account would be worth $14,000 today. :-(
Wanna know what really sucks about this? I sold the stock for $250.80/share in June. Do you want to know what it's trading at right now? $399.68/share. Doh! I guess this is why money you need to spend should never be in an investment account because you may be forced to sell at an inopportune time. *Sigh*
Anyhoo, onto the good news!
1. Reduce Debt to $103,282 - SUCCESS
I paid off my car loan and my credit card this year. I also accelerated the process by using some of my EF and selling off some stocks. My current debt load is $96,750.57. It's still a lot, but it feels for the first time, manageable.
2. Contribute $16,000+ to 401k - SUCCESS
I know I should be max-ing out my 401k contributions but I just do it the lazy way where I just instruct my employer to divert a certain % of my pre-tax income to my 401k. I really shouldn't take credit for this since, after all, it didn't involve any will-power or inertia to do this. But I'll take credit anyways. :-D
3. Buy $300 Worth of I-Bonds - SUCCESS
I decided to create a savings bond ladder in late 2008. My goal was to invest $25/month or $300/year and I managed to invest $350.
I guess I could also pat myself on the back re: my net worth. But I'm not sure whether it's something I could really take credit for. After all, last year's sudden drop in my net worth wasn't my fault. This year's rebound certainly wasn't my doing either.
Anyhow, I feel better about my financial situation now than I did on 12/31/08. And that's what counts.
Let's start with the bad news:
1. FICO score of 760 - FAIL
I'm a bit bummed by this one. Strike that - - I'm pretty P.O.'d. But one of the comments on this post made me laugh: "Dear Author shtinkykat.blogspot.com ! I apologise, but, in my opinion, you are not right. I am assured." You're absolutely right, Anonymous commenter. I'm daggum not right in the head. That's nothing new.
But going back to my FICO score, another Anon writer chastised me for being brainwashed by Suze Orman, et al. for being overly concerned about my FICO score. It's not that I'm obsessed with my score, but I do kind of see it as a report card or progress report on how I handle my credit. Although I think the scoring system is a bit bogus and arbitrary, I don't think it's irrelevant. After all, I do hope to be able to buy my first home in the next 2 to 4 years. I will continue to monitor my score.
2. Exercise Regularly and Maintain Ideal Weight - FAIL
You may wonder why I put this category in a PF blog. I do so because I believe that future health costs are one of the biggest threats to my financial security in retirement.
In January I was 110 lbs. Now? I'm a 120 lbs. I've been trying to squeeze myself into my skinny jeans for a couple of weeks and it's been painful. I think I can hear my jeans scream when I squat in them. Or maybe I'm just hearing the seams rip. Ugh. Worse yet, I lead such a sedentary life, my coronary and pulmonary health is probably not great. This is something I need to improve in baby steps.
3. EF Balance of $10,300 by 12/31/09 - FAIL but with good reason
As it stands right now, my EF balance is $8,472, or, -$1,828. The reason why I'm short, though, is because I used $2,219 of my EF to pay off my car early. There's been a bit of debate about whether an EF should be tapped to pay for a car, but I feel I made the right decision. This car is the first car I paid for myself and owned outright. It makes me feel great.
4. Investment Account of $10,900 by 12/31/09 - FAIL but also with good reason
In June, I sold 8 shares of my company stock to ensure that I would have enough money to pay off my credit card debt when the 0% promotional rate ended in October. Had I not sold the 8 shares, my investment account would be worth $14,000 today. :-(
Wanna know what really sucks about this? I sold the stock for $250.80/share in June. Do you want to know what it's trading at right now? $399.68/share. Doh! I guess this is why money you need to spend should never be in an investment account because you may be forced to sell at an inopportune time. *Sigh*
Anyhoo, onto the good news!
1. Reduce Debt to $103,282 - SUCCESS
I paid off my car loan and my credit card this year. I also accelerated the process by using some of my EF and selling off some stocks. My current debt load is $96,750.57. It's still a lot, but it feels for the first time, manageable.
2. Contribute $16,000+ to 401k - SUCCESS
I know I should be max-ing out my 401k contributions but I just do it the lazy way where I just instruct my employer to divert a certain % of my pre-tax income to my 401k. I really shouldn't take credit for this since, after all, it didn't involve any will-power or inertia to do this. But I'll take credit anyways. :-D
3. Buy $300 Worth of I-Bonds - SUCCESS
I decided to create a savings bond ladder in late 2008. My goal was to invest $25/month or $300/year and I managed to invest $350.
I guess I could also pat myself on the back re: my net worth. But I'm not sure whether it's something I could really take credit for. After all, last year's sudden drop in my net worth wasn't my fault. This year's rebound certainly wasn't my doing either.
Anyhow, I feel better about my financial situation now than I did on 12/31/08. And that's what counts.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
If Your Boss Asks You To Cover Up His Affairs, Start Looking For a New Job
I'm pretty sick and tired of the whole sordid Tiger Woods scandal, but it did bring up an interesting discussion I had with a friend yesterday. She is pretty sure that Tiger's affairs were organized, scheduled, coordinated and kept under wraps by one or some of his aides. She would know, since she had to do something similar for her ex-boss.
Many moons ago, my friend was an admin assistant for a lecherous man who paid her quite well. "The Boss" was a rainmaker who often wined and dined clients and potential clients to generate business. As part of her duties, my friend was required to make travel arrangements, set restaurant reservations, purchase gifts, etc. Initially, my friend didn't suspect much. But she did think it was odd that when she was first hired, she was told that "The Wife" was a needy, pill of a woman and she needed to be kept at bay during work hours.
When The Wife called and The Boss was out, my friend would tell her stuff like, "The Boss is in a meeting/golfing/dining with a client." My friend thought the excuses were all true. But to make a long story short, my friend eventually realized that some of The Boss' "client meetings" were just rendezvouz with skanky women. My friend didn't like that she was complicit in helping The Boss with his extramarital affairs, but she justified it as her job.
Predictably, The Wife also eventually found out about the multiple affairs. The Boss begged her for forgiveness and agreed to go to marital counseling. In the process, The Boss apparently told The Wife that my friend was the one who facilitated The Boss' affairs. The Wife demanded that my friend be fired and The Boss agreed. My friend was an at-will employee and was terminated after a couple of negative performance reviews. (Apparently, The Boss was savvy enough to use his own personal funds and not the company funds for his trysts. The Boss purportedly got a slap on the wrist but is still a "star" at the company.)
I don't blame my friend for what she did at her job. Some may say she deserved to get fired for doing something she knew was immoral. But how many of us really have the courage of our convictions to immediately quit a job when our boss asks us to do something immoral, if not illegal? Had she not, she probably would've been fired rather quickly for insubordination.
But I do blame my friend for staying at her job as long as she did, not because she was doing something immoral, but because she should've known she would've eventually been fired anyways. It happened to John Edwards' top aide and I'm sure some heads will roll at Camp Tiger.
I'm not sure there's a lesson to learned here but I know I'll immediately look for a new job the moment my job description includes "extramarital affair coordinator."
Many moons ago, my friend was an admin assistant for a lecherous man who paid her quite well. "The Boss" was a rainmaker who often wined and dined clients and potential clients to generate business. As part of her duties, my friend was required to make travel arrangements, set restaurant reservations, purchase gifts, etc. Initially, my friend didn't suspect much. But she did think it was odd that when she was first hired, she was told that "The Wife" was a needy, pill of a woman and she needed to be kept at bay during work hours.
When The Wife called and The Boss was out, my friend would tell her stuff like, "The Boss is in a meeting/golfing/dining with a client." My friend thought the excuses were all true. But to make a long story short, my friend eventually realized that some of The Boss' "client meetings" were just rendezvouz with skanky women. My friend didn't like that she was complicit in helping The Boss with his extramarital affairs, but she justified it as her job.
Predictably, The Wife also eventually found out about the multiple affairs. The Boss begged her for forgiveness and agreed to go to marital counseling. In the process, The Boss apparently told The Wife that my friend was the one who facilitated The Boss' affairs. The Wife demanded that my friend be fired and The Boss agreed. My friend was an at-will employee and was terminated after a couple of negative performance reviews. (Apparently, The Boss was savvy enough to use his own personal funds and not the company funds for his trysts. The Boss purportedly got a slap on the wrist but is still a "star" at the company.)
I don't blame my friend for what she did at her job. Some may say she deserved to get fired for doing something she knew was immoral. But how many of us really have the courage of our convictions to immediately quit a job when our boss asks us to do something immoral, if not illegal? Had she not, she probably would've been fired rather quickly for insubordination.
But I do blame my friend for staying at her job as long as she did, not because she was doing something immoral, but because she should've known she would've eventually been fired anyways. It happened to John Edwards' top aide and I'm sure some heads will roll at Camp Tiger.
I'm not sure there's a lesson to learned here but I know I'll immediately look for a new job the moment my job description includes "extramarital affair coordinator."
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Segregated My Emergency Cash and Credit Card
My recent "almost" dine-n-dash experience made me wonder whether I need to keep an emergency credit card and a stash of cash outside of my wallet.
Which brings me to the topic of what's IN my wallet?
$92 in cash...
ATM cards, 7 credit cards, Driver's License, Telephone Card, Costco card, Supermarket Club/Store Club cards, Library Cards, Gift Cards (McD's and Coffee Bean).
Which brings me to the topic of what's IN my wallet?
$92 in cash...
ATM cards, 7 credit cards, Driver's License, Telephone Card, Costco card, Supermarket Club/Store Club cards, Library Cards, Gift Cards (McD's and Coffee Bean).Wow. I didn't realize my wallet has more plastic than a Playboy centerfold! :-P
With respect to my cash, I'm trying to take the advice of the late Dr. Randy Pausch, who gave one of the most inspirational lectures at Carnegie Mellon University. In his book, The Last Lecture, Dr. Pausch advised his kids to carry $200 in cash. It's enough to cover most emergencies and not enough to devastate financially if lost or stolen. I generally set aside $20 to use, and hide the remainder. I try to keep different denominations of cash (since it doesn't help to have a Benjamin when you need to tip someone) and I'm slowly working my way up to the $200 figure.
I've been pretty good about not spending my cash, since I purchase most of my stuff with a rewards credit card. But in the past, I used to origami my cash as a deterrent to spending. Ha ha.
Looking at all of my credit cards, it's no wonder I was so up to my eyeballs in credit card debt until only a couple of months ago. (I thankfully no longer carry a balance from month-to-month.) Most of my credit cards are "dormant." I try to use each of my Mastercards at least once a month to pay for stuff like my cell phone, cable and insurance bills. My department store cards may get used once or twice a year. (But I don't really care about my department store cards since I have such a low limit on those cards anyways.)
I've decided it's probably a good idea to keep my emergency stash of cash and credit card away from my wallet. I've put $70 of emergency cash and one "dormant" cc into a small coin purse. I've also included my most recently expired driver's license, just in case. It's expired but it's better than nothing when you don't have your wallet, right?
With respect to my cash, I'm trying to take the advice of the late Dr. Randy Pausch, who gave one of the most inspirational lectures at Carnegie Mellon University. In his book, The Last Lecture, Dr. Pausch advised his kids to carry $200 in cash. It's enough to cover most emergencies and not enough to devastate financially if lost or stolen. I generally set aside $20 to use, and hide the remainder. I try to keep different denominations of cash (since it doesn't help to have a Benjamin when you need to tip someone) and I'm slowly working my way up to the $200 figure.
I've been pretty good about not spending my cash, since I purchase most of my stuff with a rewards credit card. But in the past, I used to origami my cash as a deterrent to spending. Ha ha.
Looking at all of my credit cards, it's no wonder I was so up to my eyeballs in credit card debt until only a couple of months ago. (I thankfully no longer carry a balance from month-to-month.) Most of my credit cards are "dormant." I try to use each of my Mastercards at least once a month to pay for stuff like my cell phone, cable and insurance bills. My department store cards may get used once or twice a year. (But I don't really care about my department store cards since I have such a low limit on those cards anyways.)
I've decided it's probably a good idea to keep my emergency stash of cash and credit card away from my wallet. I've put $70 of emergency cash and one "dormant" cc into a small coin purse. I've also included my most recently expired driver's license, just in case. It's expired but it's better than nothing when you don't have your wallet, right?
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
United Did Right By Me
I recently emailed United Airlines to complain about an overcharge for an in-flight meal I didn't purchase. What I didn't mention in my prior post was that I also complained about the malfunctioning sound system on my flight. (I had to watch Julie & Julia in Español.)
I'm actually surprised that I got a response from United's customer service department.
What's interesting is that United appeared more concerned about the malfunctioning sound system than the overcharge. United's customer service rep started off his email with:
As a good will gesture, United gave me a $100 travel voucher for future travel. The customer service rep also indicated that United will be issuing me a check for $9 to reimburse me for the overcharge. Hurray!
I cautioned that we should all check our receipts at the time of purchase. But it always helps to voice our complaints. If the company values your business, they will do you right. Even if it's an airline.
I'm actually surprised that I got a response from United's customer service department.
What's interesting is that United appeared more concerned about the malfunctioning sound system than the overcharge. United's customer service rep started off his email with:
"We realize that any type of malfunction can impact your perception of our overall operation. Please know that we place a great deal of emphasis on proper maintenance of all equipment in our cabins. In fact, our maintenance division has recently completed an audit of each fleet type and taken inventory of problems. Based on that we have established a program to check the cabins of each aircraft every 400 to 1,000 flight hours. We will be identifying and repairing seats, carpets, galley equipment, lights and audio and video equipment. In addition, another maintenance team is concentrating on cleaning methods, audio and video functionality and improved cabin condition monitoring. Still, your disappointment with your flight is understandable, and I will give your constructive feedback to our maintenance and onboard management because we are committed to providing you a positive in-flight experience."
As a good will gesture, United gave me a $100 travel voucher for future travel. The customer service rep also indicated that United will be issuing me a check for $9 to reimburse me for the overcharge. Hurray!
I cautioned that we should all check our receipts at the time of purchase. But it always helps to voice our complaints. If the company values your business, they will do you right. Even if it's an airline.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
My Featherbrained Insurance Claim
Sorry for the lack of posts folks. I took a break last week to mourn the passing of my dear cat, MJ. Now, I'm just a bit overwhelmed at work, trying to get my stuff up-to-snuff for a December audit.
Anyhow, I always thought I was one of those people who don't develop emotional attachments to objects. I learned otherwise today when I thought I lost a three-stone diamond necklace that my mom gave me several years back. (Some of you may already know that my mom has a bad habit of giving me expensive gifts that she can't afford.)
This morning, I reached into my jewelry rack to wear my diamond necklace. When I saw that all of my necklaces were there except that one, I mentally accused my pet sitter of theft. My pet sitter had been taking care of MJ during my business trips in August and September and I thought to myself, "I bet she snuck one necklace out, thinking that I won't notice! I can't believe I'm such a sucker!"
I was fuming mad until I vaguely recalled that I may have worn the necklace after the pet sitter's services ended. I wasn't sure, but I started to think that I may have worn the necklace when I got my monthly massage earlier this month. I sort of remembered putting my necklace carefully into my purse before my massage. I just couldn't remember whether it was my diamond necklace or not.
I tore my purse inside out, hoping to find the necklace. Nothing. Maybe it fell out of my purse inside my apartment? Nyet . Maybe it spilled onto the floor of my car when I braked hard? Nope.
I finally gave up and concluded that my necklace was lost forever. I felt really bad not being more careful with it. How could I have not noticed that I was missing the necklace for nearly a month? It made me sad to think how my mom would be extremely disappointed when she learns that I lost her gift. (Especially since she probably went deeper into debt to buy me the necklace.)
I was suddenly obsessed with replacing the necklace with something similar. I called my renter's insurance carrier and made a claim. (Note: Regular homeowners/renters insurance policies limit jewelry coverage to $1,000. I was lucky that I increased my jewelry coverage limit to $2,500/item, $10,000/total about a year ago.)
The claims rep was pretty helpful as well. I learned that the difference between a "mysterious disappearance" (which is not covered unless I have a "floater" on the item) and "theft" (which is covered) is that I need to know where I last put the item. Since I was pretty sure that I last put the necklace in my purse, the claims rep considered my lost necklace a covered loss. She suggested that I make a police report which is generally a requirement for theft losses.
She asked about the value of the necklace. I knew my mom bought the necklace from Macy's and a similar necklace is currently retailing for $1,200 on Macy's website. The claims rep verified the cost and settled the claim for $1,305 (includes tax). Since I have a $500 deductible, my insurer agreed to cut me a check for $805.
I was bummed that not only did I lose my necklace, I'm going to be out of pocket $500. But when I went to my local brick-and-mortar Macy's store, I discovered that the similar necklace is currently on sale: 30% off, additional 10% off and another 20% off. I could get a similar diamond necklace for $657.72 (incl. tax) - - a net profit of $147.28! Cha-chiiiing!!
That's when I suddenly had total recall:
(1) I was convinced that my pet sitter couldn't have stolen my necklace since I was wearing it during my final business trip. I even have photographic evidence of it!
(2) I also remembered I was using my computer bag as my purse when I got my massage. Could the necklace still be in my computer bag?
Sure enough, when I got home, I discovered my necklace was in a side pocket of my computer bag. Doh....
I immediately called my insurer and canceled my claim. Truth be told, I'd rather have my mom's necklace than to keep an undeserved check for $805. And perhaps maybe it's not the necklace that I'm attached to. Maybe I just love it because it came from mom.
P.S. Dear Pet Sitter: I am TRULY sorry for thinking that you stole my necklace, even for a moment. All I can say is that I panicked. I will try to do better to not be so accusatory in the future...
Anyhow, I always thought I was one of those people who don't develop emotional attachments to objects. I learned otherwise today when I thought I lost a three-stone diamond necklace that my mom gave me several years back. (Some of you may already know that my mom has a bad habit of giving me expensive gifts that she can't afford.)This morning, I reached into my jewelry rack to wear my diamond necklace. When I saw that all of my necklaces were there except that one, I mentally accused my pet sitter of theft. My pet sitter had been taking care of MJ during my business trips in August and September and I thought to myself, "I bet she snuck one necklace out, thinking that I won't notice! I can't believe I'm such a sucker!"
I was fuming mad until I vaguely recalled that I may have worn the necklace after the pet sitter's services ended. I wasn't sure, but I started to think that I may have worn the necklace when I got my monthly massage earlier this month. I sort of remembered putting my necklace carefully into my purse before my massage. I just couldn't remember whether it was my diamond necklace or not.
I tore my purse inside out, hoping to find the necklace. Nothing. Maybe it fell out of my purse inside my apartment? Nyet . Maybe it spilled onto the floor of my car when I braked hard? Nope.
I finally gave up and concluded that my necklace was lost forever. I felt really bad not being more careful with it. How could I have not noticed that I was missing the necklace for nearly a month? It made me sad to think how my mom would be extremely disappointed when she learns that I lost her gift. (Especially since she probably went deeper into debt to buy me the necklace.)
I was suddenly obsessed with replacing the necklace with something similar. I called my renter's insurance carrier and made a claim. (Note: Regular homeowners/renters insurance policies limit jewelry coverage to $1,000. I was lucky that I increased my jewelry coverage limit to $2,500/item, $10,000/total about a year ago.)
The claims rep was pretty helpful as well. I learned that the difference between a "mysterious disappearance" (which is not covered unless I have a "floater" on the item) and "theft" (which is covered) is that I need to know where I last put the item. Since I was pretty sure that I last put the necklace in my purse, the claims rep considered my lost necklace a covered loss. She suggested that I make a police report which is generally a requirement for theft losses.
She asked about the value of the necklace. I knew my mom bought the necklace from Macy's and a similar necklace is currently retailing for $1,200 on Macy's website. The claims rep verified the cost and settled the claim for $1,305 (includes tax). Since I have a $500 deductible, my insurer agreed to cut me a check for $805.
I was bummed that not only did I lose my necklace, I'm going to be out of pocket $500. But when I went to my local brick-and-mortar Macy's store, I discovered that the similar necklace is currently on sale: 30% off, additional 10% off and another 20% off. I could get a similar diamond necklace for $657.72 (incl. tax) - - a net profit of $147.28! Cha-chiiiing!!
That's when I suddenly had total recall:(1) I was convinced that my pet sitter couldn't have stolen my necklace since I was wearing it during my final business trip. I even have photographic evidence of it!
(2) I also remembered I was using my computer bag as my purse when I got my massage. Could the necklace still be in my computer bag?
Sure enough, when I got home, I discovered my necklace was in a side pocket of my computer bag. Doh....
I immediately called my insurer and canceled my claim. Truth be told, I'd rather have my mom's necklace than to keep an undeserved check for $805. And perhaps maybe it's not the necklace that I'm attached to. Maybe I just love it because it came from mom.
P.S. Dear Pet Sitter: I am TRULY sorry for thinking that you stole my necklace, even for a moment. All I can say is that I panicked. I will try to do better to not be so accusatory in the future...
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Sold 8 Shares of My Company Stock for a Loss and I’m Okay
I sold some of my company stock at a loss yesterday but I’m okay with it. Here’s (my long-winded explanation) why:
I’m currently reverse-arbitraging a 0% credit card promotional rate that is set to expire on 10/28/09. As of 5/31/09, my credit card balance is $11,574.08, and every month, I pay $122 to my credit card company and stash away $931 into my DollarSavingsDirect savings account that pays 2.0% APY in interest. I’ve so far saved $4,313.08 and at this rate, I’ll be $2,000 short in paying off my credit card balance by October.
I was never worried about the shortfall since knew I was going to make it up by selling some of my company stock that I’ve purchased through my company ESOP plan. The only open issues were: (a) when do I sell my company stock and (b) at what price? I was hoping that I could sell 7 shares for about $285 - $290/share. If so, I can make a small profit AND pay off my credit card debt.
But as they say, the best laid plans of mice and men go oft astray. *Sigh*
Right now, the stock is trading in the $250 - $265/share range but it looks like it’s incrementally trending lower. It also looks like options traders are buying protection between $230 - $280/share range with the October contracts. Great. I potentially have a $20/share downside or a potential $30/share upside if I wait.
I’ve always said I suck at stock trading. (I suck worse at dating, but that’s a topic for whole ‘nother blog.) And to be fair, Peter Lynch allegedly said something to the effect that a good stock picker will only be right six times out of 10. The corollary is that a good stock picker will also be wrong four times out of 10.
Since I can’t predict the future and I need the money, I decided to bite the bullet and sold 8 shares of my company stock for $250.79/share. My total net loss from this transaction is $305.98. I generally don’t like selling stocks (especially good stocks) at a loss, but I’m not too upset about it. Why?
I’m currently reverse-arbitraging a 0% credit card promotional rate that is set to expire on 10/28/09. As of 5/31/09, my credit card balance is $11,574.08, and every month, I pay $122 to my credit card company and stash away $931 into my DollarSavingsDirect savings account that pays 2.0% APY in interest. I’ve so far saved $4,313.08 and at this rate, I’ll be $2,000 short in paying off my credit card balance by October.
I was never worried about the shortfall since knew I was going to make it up by selling some of my company stock that I’ve purchased through my company ESOP plan. The only open issues were: (a) when do I sell my company stock and (b) at what price? I was hoping that I could sell 7 shares for about $285 - $290/share. If so, I can make a small profit AND pay off my credit card debt.
But as they say, the best laid plans of mice and men go oft astray. *Sigh*
Right now, the stock is trading in the $250 - $265/share range but it looks like it’s incrementally trending lower. It also looks like options traders are buying protection between $230 - $280/share range with the October contracts. Great. I potentially have a $20/share downside or a potential $30/share upside if I wait.
I’ve always said I suck at stock trading. (I suck worse at dating, but that’s a topic for whole ‘nother blog.) And to be fair, Peter Lynch allegedly said something to the effect that a good stock picker will only be right six times out of 10. The corollary is that a good stock picker will also be wrong four times out of 10.
Since I can’t predict the future and I need the money, I decided to bite the bullet and sold 8 shares of my company stock for $250.79/share. My total net loss from this transaction is $305.98. I generally don’t like selling stocks (especially good stocks) at a loss, but I’m not too upset about it. Why?
- Money I need in the next 5 to 10 years, much less money I need in the next 4 months, shouldn’t be in the stock market.
- I can harvest the loss from this sale to reduce my capital gains tax on a $405.91 profit I realized in a prior stock sale earlier this year.
- Since I purchased the stock through an ESOP, my actual contribution was $1,409.72 (and my company matched $896.59). So if you only take my own contributions into account, I’ve actually come out ahead by about $596.60 (minus taxes I paid on the company match.)
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Why You Need a Disaster Preparedness Kit
There was a car fire this morning at my apartment complex. Fire trucks and police cars everywhere. My building wasn't impacted, so I didn't have to evacuate, but my tap water is now running brown. Gross!
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Anyhow, I need to wash my hands and brush my teeth, but I ain't doing so with brown water.
Thank heavens, I have a bucket of water plus couple of gallons of tap water that I've stored in the event of an emergency. I additionally have some bottled water at home to drink. For once in my life, it seems I did something right. :-D
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Anyhow, I need to wash my hands and brush my teeth, but I ain't doing so with brown water.
Thank heavens, I have a bucket of water plus couple of gallons of tap water that I've stored in the event of an emergency. I additionally have some bottled water at home to drink. For once in my life, it seems I did something right. :-D
Thursday, April 16, 2009
This May Change What I’m Willing to Post On My Blog…
I started my blog as a way to memorialize how I deal with my personal finances – a kind of diary, if you will. My primary intent was to keep tabs on my spending, investments, savings and the progress on my debts. I also wanted a place I can store reference materials, such as interesting articles, great tips, etc.
But my blog has also evolved into an outlet where I air my thoughts, experiences and opinions (sometimes relating to PF matters only tangentially). It hasn’t all been pretty -- I’ve posted petty, elitist or mean-spirited rants that I can’t express in real-life to others. After all, what’s the purpose of a diary if you’re going to sugarcoat things?
Although many of my posts are personal in nature, I made the conscious choice to open my blog to the public because: (a) I write anonymously, (b) I don’t expect to have a wide-audience and (c) I enjoy receiving feedback (positive and negative) from my readers.
Consequently, I’ve been able to develop great relationships (albeit virtual) with people I would’ve otherwise never encountered. I’m grateful for all of the comments I’ve received. Even those that are critical have provided thoughtful, relevant, and civil opinions.
But a recent case decided by the California Appellate Court may change how and what I write in my blog in the future. The California Appellate Court recently held that a person who posts an article on the internet (e.g. blog or Myspace) does not have the right to state a cause of action for invasion of privacy when the post is republished. (Click here to read the opinion.)
In this case, a UC Berkeley student wrote a rather mean-spirited “ode” about her hometown and its residents in her Myspace journal. The student only identified herself by her first name and a picture. Six days later, the student removed the “ode” from her online journal. Before she took the “ode” down, the local high school principal submitted it to the local paper. The paper re-published the “ode” and attributed the authorship to the student, using her full name. (Note: Whatever point the editor wanted to make, couldn’t she have done it without identifying the author, especially since the offensive post was deleted? Or was the editor seeking retribution? Hmmm….)
The lunatic fringe of the student's hometown reacted violently by issuing death threats and shooting a gun at her family home. As a result, the student’s parents had to close their 20 year-old family business and move the heck out of Dodge. (Note: I wonder if the editor of the paper is proud of herself? And hasn’t this, ironically, lent credence to what the student wrote about the residents of the community? Hmmmm….)
I’m a firm believer that people need to accept the consequences for their actions and their words. But no one deserves to be threatened, physically or verbally, solely for their opinions, no matter how offensive. If the expressed opinion is libelous or slanderous, people should seek legal recourse.
I know of at least one blogger who shut down his blog after people tried to “out” him. (For what and to what end, I don’t know.) I know of other bloggers who’ve experienced something similar for expressing unpopular opinions about gift-giving etiquette or writing about her actions that some have deemed “morally reprehensible” (i.e., taking advantage of couponing rule loopholes). Seriously.
I guess what this means is that anything I write in this blog will be filtered and self-censored from hereon forward. Although it’s probably too late, I’m considering deleting prior posts that may be too revealing or potentially “offensive”.
But before I do, I just have to let out one dig: To all you nut-jobs who have nothing better to do than to “out” and seek retribution against an author for an “offensive” post, there is a better option -- You can stop reading the “offensive” blog and encourage others to do the same. There’s nothing worse to a blogger than having no audience.
So there. Bleh. [Note to self: Work on my filter…]
But my blog has also evolved into an outlet where I air my thoughts, experiences and opinions (sometimes relating to PF matters only tangentially). It hasn’t all been pretty -- I’ve posted petty, elitist or mean-spirited rants that I can’t express in real-life to others. After all, what’s the purpose of a diary if you’re going to sugarcoat things?
Although many of my posts are personal in nature, I made the conscious choice to open my blog to the public because: (a) I write anonymously, (b) I don’t expect to have a wide-audience and (c) I enjoy receiving feedback (positive and negative) from my readers.
Consequently, I’ve been able to develop great relationships (albeit virtual) with people I would’ve otherwise never encountered. I’m grateful for all of the comments I’ve received. Even those that are critical have provided thoughtful, relevant, and civil opinions.
But a recent case decided by the California Appellate Court may change how and what I write in my blog in the future. The California Appellate Court recently held that a person who posts an article on the internet (e.g. blog or Myspace) does not have the right to state a cause of action for invasion of privacy when the post is republished. (Click here to read the opinion.)
In this case, a UC Berkeley student wrote a rather mean-spirited “ode” about her hometown and its residents in her Myspace journal. The student only identified herself by her first name and a picture. Six days later, the student removed the “ode” from her online journal. Before she took the “ode” down, the local high school principal submitted it to the local paper. The paper re-published the “ode” and attributed the authorship to the student, using her full name. (Note: Whatever point the editor wanted to make, couldn’t she have done it without identifying the author, especially since the offensive post was deleted? Or was the editor seeking retribution? Hmmm….)
The lunatic fringe of the student's hometown reacted violently by issuing death threats and shooting a gun at her family home. As a result, the student’s parents had to close their 20 year-old family business and move the heck out of Dodge. (Note: I wonder if the editor of the paper is proud of herself? And hasn’t this, ironically, lent credence to what the student wrote about the residents of the community? Hmmmm….)
I’m a firm believer that people need to accept the consequences for their actions and their words. But no one deserves to be threatened, physically or verbally, solely for their opinions, no matter how offensive. If the expressed opinion is libelous or slanderous, people should seek legal recourse.
I know of at least one blogger who shut down his blog after people tried to “out” him. (For what and to what end, I don’t know.) I know of other bloggers who’ve experienced something similar for expressing unpopular opinions about gift-giving etiquette or writing about her actions that some have deemed “morally reprehensible” (i.e., taking advantage of couponing rule loopholes). Seriously.
I guess what this means is that anything I write in this blog will be filtered and self-censored from hereon forward. Although it’s probably too late, I’m considering deleting prior posts that may be too revealing or potentially “offensive”.
But before I do, I just have to let out one dig: To all you nut-jobs who have nothing better to do than to “out” and seek retribution against an author for an “offensive” post, there is a better option -- You can stop reading the “offensive” blog and encourage others to do the same. There’s nothing worse to a blogger than having no audience.
So there. Bleh. [Note to self: Work on my filter…]
Friday, April 10, 2009
Perhaps I HAVE Changed My Spendthrift Ways?
If you look at the details of my networth, you'll see that I have shloads of credit card debt. I wish I have a good excuse for it, but I don't. It was spent on designer purses, jewelry, fancy vacations,restaurants and shoes. You know, all necessities. ;-D
Although I strive to live a simpler and more frugal life, my spendthrift way is just lurking right below the surface. I have this nagging doubt that I haven't changed organically or internally at all. I can't help but to think that I'm only reacting to external factors, such as an impending layoff and my debts.
But something happened yesterday that made me think that perhaps I have changed. A SHOE EMERGENCY!! [Cue dramatic music.]
Although I strive to live a simpler and more frugal life, my spendthrift way is just lurking right below the surface. I have this nagging doubt that I haven't changed organically or internally at all. I can't help but to think that I'm only reacting to external factors, such as an impending layoff and my debts.
But something happened yesterday that made me think that perhaps I have changed. A SHOE EMERGENCY!! [Cue dramatic music.]
It happened near the end of the work day. I was walking, walking, walking until I heard a big crack and my left leg wobbled. Thank goodness (?) I have short legs and a low center of gravity since I would've otherwise done a face-plant.
Anyhow, the old Shtinky would've taken this as a true emergency. I would've left work early, headed to Nordstrom or Macy's to buy a replacement pair of shoes. $350 for a pair? Wow, that's expensive, but I have the credit-limit available! No problem!
And don't think the thought didn't cross my mind. In fact, I'm ashamed to admit I seriously PONDERED whether this qualified as an "emergency" thus allowing me to tap my emergency fund. After all, I AM at work and I shouldn't be walking around barefoot in the office, right?
Wrong. I sucked it up and taped up my heel. Can you see the clear tape around the left shoe in the picture?
Perhaps it wasn't really safe for me to walk around in the taped-up shoe, but how dangerous is it for me to walk from the office to my car to my apartment? Not much.
I'm proud to say, I've decided not to replace the shoe. I have several other similar style shoe in the same color. I'm seeing this as a good sign that I've changed my spendthrift ways. :-D
Okay, enough with patting myself on the back; I'm moving on to a rant.
I swear, I will never buy Jessica Simpson shoes ever again. It's not expensive but it's not cheap either. A shoe should last more than a couple of years, don't you think? I mean my Stuart Weitzman shoes have lasted me over 7 years! (It needs serious polishing, though. Heh heh.)
I guess this is a lesson learned: Buy good shoes, especially if you intend to wear them for a long time.
P.S. Hope you're all having a wonderful Passover and Good Friday. And have a wonderful Easter!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Projecting My Biases and POV Upon Others
I always look forward to reading comments from readers since I believe that open, honest and civil discourse is the best way to learn from differing opinions and points of view. (And thank you all for being civil!) My last post about whether I would consider dating someone who is unemployed (or underemployed) got varied responses. One person thought I was being snobbish, although I didn’t intend to be. After all, I too expect to be unemployed in the near future. But re-reading my post, I guess it could come across that way.
Before I start on my mea culpa, I don’t regret at all how I dealt with the man at the bar. Quite frankly, I don’t know whether he’s unemployed - - it’s just my conjecture. (And, if you recall, I was oblivious until my friend suggested the possibility that he could be unemployed.) Perhaps maybe he’s uber-wealthy and was turned off by my questions about his occupation. Who knows? (And in this economic crisis, has an innocuous question like, “So, what do you do?” really become a Pandora’s Box?)
With respect to asking for his business card, I stress that I’m just not comfortable giving out private information to someone I’ve just met in a bar. (After all, I’ve seen too many news stories about women who get attacked by men they’ve met in bars.) As flawed as my thought process may be, I felt asking for a business card was a better alternative than to trade personal numbers. For whatever reason, he didn’t give me his business card and told me to, “Forget it.” I wasn’t about to jump out of my seat and give him my home number in response. C'est la vie.
With respect to why I’m reluctant to get involved with someone who is unemployed, I guess it’s because I project my own narrow biases and point of view upon others, which I realize is also flawed thinking. Regardless, I think it’s worthy to share where I’m coming from:
I was laid off from my first job out of law school some time in late-1998 or early-1999. My ex-boss (who was otherwise a scumbag jerk) spared my feelings and called it a “lay-off” although I knew I was actually getting fired. I was devastated, embarrassed and humiliated, but I smiled and thanked him and everyone in the office, before I packed my belongings in a cardboard box. I wasn’t about to let anyone see me break a sweat (or tear).
When I got home, I curled up in a ball and cried like a baby for days. I waited a couple of days before I told my boyfriend. I couldn’t even tell my parents or my sister for weeks. I was scared out of my wits. I was saddled with $100,000+ in student loans with virtually zero savings. I didn’t have a husband who supported me and I didn’t have rich parents to bail me out.
Eating out or buying wine or beer was unthinkable, since I lived on credit card cash advances and was only a breath away from being evicted. And, yes, I did go stir-crazy during this period since all of my energy was expended in trying to find a new job. (Hence, this is why I thought it was irresponsible for an unemployed person to go out for a drink. But I also see that not all unemployed people are in the same dire straits that I was in, and deserve to go out here and there.)
Although most people thought I was dealing with my unemployment well, I was an emotional wreck. I was able to maintain an upbeat façade in short spurts, but my boyfriend took the brunt of my mood swings during the remainder of the time, which ultimately led to our break-up. I was in no emotional state during my unemployment to try to build any new relationships, platonic or otherwise. It is therefore unfathomable to me why an unemployed person, who could be very emotionally vulnerable, would try to forge a new relationship that is not career-related.
I realize that people are different, and some deal with unemployment much better than I did (or ever could). But I’m still leery and suspicious that someone who is unemployed would be in the right frame of mind to start a new personal relationship. After all, there are studies that show that the mental health of unemployed men are worse than that of unemployed women.
I don’t know for sure, but I doubt I’ll be seeking new personal relationships while I'm laid off. I don’t think I have the ability or capacity to be a good companion to anyone under those circumstances. Only time will tell.
Before I start on my mea culpa, I don’t regret at all how I dealt with the man at the bar. Quite frankly, I don’t know whether he’s unemployed - - it’s just my conjecture. (And, if you recall, I was oblivious until my friend suggested the possibility that he could be unemployed.) Perhaps maybe he’s uber-wealthy and was turned off by my questions about his occupation. Who knows? (And in this economic crisis, has an innocuous question like, “So, what do you do?” really become a Pandora’s Box?)
With respect to asking for his business card, I stress that I’m just not comfortable giving out private information to someone I’ve just met in a bar. (After all, I’ve seen too many news stories about women who get attacked by men they’ve met in bars.) As flawed as my thought process may be, I felt asking for a business card was a better alternative than to trade personal numbers. For whatever reason, he didn’t give me his business card and told me to, “Forget it.” I wasn’t about to jump out of my seat and give him my home number in response. C'est la vie.
With respect to why I’m reluctant to get involved with someone who is unemployed, I guess it’s because I project my own narrow biases and point of view upon others, which I realize is also flawed thinking. Regardless, I think it’s worthy to share where I’m coming from:
I was laid off from my first job out of law school some time in late-1998 or early-1999. My ex-boss (who was otherwise a scumbag jerk) spared my feelings and called it a “lay-off” although I knew I was actually getting fired. I was devastated, embarrassed and humiliated, but I smiled and thanked him and everyone in the office, before I packed my belongings in a cardboard box. I wasn’t about to let anyone see me break a sweat (or tear).
When I got home, I curled up in a ball and cried like a baby for days. I waited a couple of days before I told my boyfriend. I couldn’t even tell my parents or my sister for weeks. I was scared out of my wits. I was saddled with $100,000+ in student loans with virtually zero savings. I didn’t have a husband who supported me and I didn’t have rich parents to bail me out.
Eating out or buying wine or beer was unthinkable, since I lived on credit card cash advances and was only a breath away from being evicted. And, yes, I did go stir-crazy during this period since all of my energy was expended in trying to find a new job. (Hence, this is why I thought it was irresponsible for an unemployed person to go out for a drink. But I also see that not all unemployed people are in the same dire straits that I was in, and deserve to go out here and there.)
Although most people thought I was dealing with my unemployment well, I was an emotional wreck. I was able to maintain an upbeat façade in short spurts, but my boyfriend took the brunt of my mood swings during the remainder of the time, which ultimately led to our break-up. I was in no emotional state during my unemployment to try to build any new relationships, platonic or otherwise. It is therefore unfathomable to me why an unemployed person, who could be very emotionally vulnerable, would try to forge a new relationship that is not career-related.
I realize that people are different, and some deal with unemployment much better than I did (or ever could). But I’m still leery and suspicious that someone who is unemployed would be in the right frame of mind to start a new personal relationship. After all, there are studies that show that the mental health of unemployed men are worse than that of unemployed women.
I don’t know for sure, but I doubt I’ll be seeking new personal relationships while I'm laid off. I don’t think I have the ability or capacity to be a good companion to anyone under those circumstances. Only time will tell.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Interesting Conversations With Fellow Plane Passengers
I went on a business trip to Vegas yesterday and had interesting conversations with my fellow plane passengers to and fro.
On my way to Vegas, I sat in a row with a very bling-ed out woman and a not-so-bling-ed-out man, both probably in their 40s. We started talking about how it was amazing that R-rated (if not X-rated) photos are allowed to be passed out on the Strip to pedestrians. I laughed and said that I witnessed an older man (probably in his 70s and 80s), giddily collecting the flyers as if he was a young boy collecting baseball cards. I thought the dirty old man was strangely "cute".
The male passenger then proceeded to tell us that he has one regret in his life. He said he wished he had hired a stripper/hooker on his dad's deathbed. Whoa! TMI buddy!! He said his dad was a "dirty old man" with tubes coming out of every orifice of his body and he probably would have enjoyed seeing/touching a beautiful young woman before he went. Okaaaay.
The other passenger and I started giggling uncomfortably. To break the awkwardness, I said something to the effect of, "On my deathbed, I'm not sure I want to see a naked man." The other passenger hastily added, "I want someone to bring me a big diamond. That would make me smile." We were able to change the topic from there.
But the man's comment did get me thinking -- what I would want on my deathbed? Having my loved one by my side is a given. But is there something more that could bring me joy in that circumstance? Can something that is bought allow me to go in peace? Hmmm... I'd have to think about that.
On my return flight, I sat next to a man who works for a local upstart company called Pathway Genomics. It's one of those companies that you send samples of your saliva to test your DNA for information regarding your ancestral path and genetic disease and conditions. The ancestral path test costs $199 and the health test costs $250.
My father suffers from dementia, which may or may not be a precursor to Alzheimer's disease. I'm so afraid of developing this condition that I avoid aluminum products. I am strongly tempted to partake in this test just to find out.
This got me wondering - Do I really want to know what disease I may be prone to? Would the results encourage me to be healthier? But if the disease has no cure, would I be unnecessarily devastated?
I've got some questions for my readers:
On my way to Vegas, I sat in a row with a very bling-ed out woman and a not-so-bling-ed-out man, both probably in their 40s. We started talking about how it was amazing that R-rated (if not X-rated) photos are allowed to be passed out on the Strip to pedestrians. I laughed and said that I witnessed an older man (probably in his 70s and 80s), giddily collecting the flyers as if he was a young boy collecting baseball cards. I thought the dirty old man was strangely "cute".
The male passenger then proceeded to tell us that he has one regret in his life. He said he wished he had hired a stripper/hooker on his dad's deathbed. Whoa! TMI buddy!! He said his dad was a "dirty old man" with tubes coming out of every orifice of his body and he probably would have enjoyed seeing/touching a beautiful young woman before he went. Okaaaay.
The other passenger and I started giggling uncomfortably. To break the awkwardness, I said something to the effect of, "On my deathbed, I'm not sure I want to see a naked man." The other passenger hastily added, "I want someone to bring me a big diamond. That would make me smile." We were able to change the topic from there.
But the man's comment did get me thinking -- what I would want on my deathbed? Having my loved one by my side is a given. But is there something more that could bring me joy in that circumstance? Can something that is bought allow me to go in peace? Hmmm... I'd have to think about that.
On my return flight, I sat next to a man who works for a local upstart company called Pathway Genomics. It's one of those companies that you send samples of your saliva to test your DNA for information regarding your ancestral path and genetic disease and conditions. The ancestral path test costs $199 and the health test costs $250.
My father suffers from dementia, which may or may not be a precursor to Alzheimer's disease. I'm so afraid of developing this condition that I avoid aluminum products. I am strongly tempted to partake in this test just to find out.
This got me wondering - Do I really want to know what disease I may be prone to? Would the results encourage me to be healthier? But if the disease has no cure, would I be unnecessarily devastated?
I've got some questions for my readers:
- On your deathbed, other than having your loved ones at your side, is there something you'd want?
- Would you pay $250 to find out about potentially inherited diseases?
Monday, March 23, 2009
Slave to Consumerism and I'm Happy
Good posts and comments should challenge your current way of thinking and ParanoidAsteroid's recent critique and the Frugal Bachelor's comment about another PF blogger's post really hit home. Perhaps, I've given consumerism an undeserved bad rap.
I'm currently $11,000+ in credit card debt. As if that figure isn't embarrassing enough, I was more ashamed that I have nothing to show for it. Sure, I have a pair of diamond earrings and pretty decent wardrobe. But nothing like antiques or an extensive haute-couture shoe collection like Carrie Bradshaw.
And since I kept lousy records, I'm not exactly sure where all the money went. But I'm pretty sure that one of my top spendings was on food. I thought to myself, of all the stupid things I've done (which are many), going into debt for something I consume and literally piss away, takes the cake. (Oh goodness. I never thought I would use "piss" and "cake" in the same sentence. Sorry for the disgusting imagery.)
Last year, in my quest for financial responsibility and personal redemption, I implemented a pretty spartan food budget, which means I rarely eat out and my home-cooked meals generally consist of easy-to-make food. Admittedly, over the course of the year, I fell off the horse a few times, but I've done relatively well sticking to the budget. But somehow, there was always an under-current of feeling deprived.
In a recent MSN SmartSpending post, The Simple Dollar wrote:
I'm guessing that the point TSD wants to make is that money spent beyond obtaining basic necessities of life has a diminishing rate of return for happiness. And I agree.
But for every dollar we spend beyond providing for basic sustenance, aren't we all in varying degrees, buying some increased level of contentment, if not happiness? And what's so wrong about buying some fleeting moments of joy?
And what if some experiences can usually only be bought?
I come from a culture that places great importance on food as a spiritual and communal activity. In essence, my culture stresses the importance of appreciating food, not merely as a source of sustenance but also as a medium for appreciating nature and art.
As a result, I deeply appreciate food, and not just food from the old country -- all kinds of food, particularly ethnic foods. Give me a good hot piping bowl of Vietnamese Pho rather than chicken noodle soup. I'd rather clog my arteries with Phillipino deep fried lechon versus chicken-fried steak. And when someone says "barbecue", I immediately think "Korean".
Consuming good food and a variety of food gives me great joy. And this often means that I'd have to eat out since:
And I'm not talking about restaurants like Joel Robuchon that serves a $385, 16-course meal, or a $150 omakase-meal at Nobu's.
I'm talking about enjoying a $1.50 taco made with cow-head meat from a street vendor. I'm talking about the joys of discovering that something as disgusting looking as a sea-cucumber can actually be very tasty. I'm talking about the joys of sharing a traditional, communal hot-pot meal with someone who has never eaten food from my native country.
Was it really that bad for me to feel deprived when I chose not to eat food that I truly love for the sake of frugalism? If that makes me a slave to consumerism, so be it. I'll just practice a more responsible form of consumerism-slavery. :-D
I'm currently $11,000+ in credit card debt. As if that figure isn't embarrassing enough, I was more ashamed that I have nothing to show for it. Sure, I have a pair of diamond earrings and pretty decent wardrobe. But nothing like antiques or an extensive haute-couture shoe collection like Carrie Bradshaw.
And since I kept lousy records, I'm not exactly sure where all the money went. But I'm pretty sure that one of my top spendings was on food. I thought to myself, of all the stupid things I've done (which are many), going into debt for something I consume and literally piss away, takes the cake. (Oh goodness. I never thought I would use "piss" and "cake" in the same sentence. Sorry for the disgusting imagery.)
Last year, in my quest for financial responsibility and personal redemption, I implemented a pretty spartan food budget, which means I rarely eat out and my home-cooked meals generally consist of easy-to-make food. Admittedly, over the course of the year, I fell off the horse a few times, but I've done relatively well sticking to the budget. But somehow, there was always an under-current of feeling deprived.
In a recent MSN SmartSpending post, The Simple Dollar wrote:
In a way, I almost looked down on people who are frugal, particularly people who actively choose frugality over simply buying the best. I felt pride in my possessions and experiences -- and I looked at people who chose different paths as needlessly depriving themselves.
...
What I've learned is that a sense of being deprived -- provided, of course, that your basic needs are met -- is just a negative state of mind.
...
Frugality isn't choosing to be deprived. It's just a different way of looking at things.
I'm guessing that the point TSD wants to make is that money spent beyond obtaining basic necessities of life has a diminishing rate of return for happiness. And I agree.
But for every dollar we spend beyond providing for basic sustenance, aren't we all in varying degrees, buying some increased level of contentment, if not happiness? And what's so wrong about buying some fleeting moments of joy?
And what if some experiences can usually only be bought?
I come from a culture that places great importance on food as a spiritual and communal activity. In essence, my culture stresses the importance of appreciating food, not merely as a source of sustenance but also as a medium for appreciating nature and art.
As a result, I deeply appreciate food, and not just food from the old country -- all kinds of food, particularly ethnic foods. Give me a good hot piping bowl of Vietnamese Pho rather than chicken noodle soup. I'd rather clog my arteries with Phillipino deep fried lechon versus chicken-fried steak. And when someone says "barbecue", I immediately think "Korean".
Consuming good food and a variety of food gives me great joy. And this often means that I'd have to eat out since:
- Ingredients to make cuisines from the old country is expensive since much of it is imported;
- It is generally not cost-effective for me to cook for one;
- One of the downsides of a culture that places high-importance on food is that great emphasis is placed on not only the cooking method, preparation and taste, but also the aesthetics of the cuisine itself. I certainly cannot replicate some of the food that ethnic restaurant chefs have been trained to do.
And I'm not talking about restaurants like Joel Robuchon that serves a $385, 16-course meal, or a $150 omakase-meal at Nobu's.
I'm talking about enjoying a $1.50 taco made with cow-head meat from a street vendor. I'm talking about the joys of discovering that something as disgusting looking as a sea-cucumber can actually be very tasty. I'm talking about the joys of sharing a traditional, communal hot-pot meal with someone who has never eaten food from my native country.
Was it really that bad for me to feel deprived when I chose not to eat food that I truly love for the sake of frugalism? If that makes me a slave to consumerism, so be it. I'll just practice a more responsible form of consumerism-slavery. :-D
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I Don't Want to Be a PF Biggest Loser
Debt is analogous to weight: It’s quick and easy to pack on, but is excruciatingly slow and difficult to eliminate. Additionally, with temptation abound, sliding from healthy habits is way too easy.
I recently read this article on AOL about the 3rd season Biggest Loser champ, Erik Chopin, who lost 214 lbs only to gain back half of it once the show ended.
Why am I not surprised? I’ve only watched a couple episodes but I recall thinking that the participants' transformations were so unrealistic that they were destined to fail once the show is over. Looks like I was right.
Thusly, I’ve concluded that I don’t want to be the PF equivalent of the “Biggest Loser”. So how can I avoid becoming a PF Biggest Loser?
1. Be Motivated For the Right Reasons
The AOL article states:
In my case, I only seem to be motivated by anger or disappointment rather than an innate desire to improve myself. For example, I wasn’t motivated to improve my pathetic financial state until American Express rejected me for a credit card. And I’ve only recently become motivated to speed up my credit card payments when Chase unilaterally changed the terms of my debt repayment.
A fickle or passing emotion is never a good foundation upon which to establish healthy habits, financial or otherwise. I need to learn to do the right thing for my own sake.
2. Debt Elimination and Weight Loss Are Long Term
On the Oprah Show, Mr. Chopin says, "When you're going on that kind of a journey [on The Biggest Loser], there's a finish line... Beyond the finish line, I'd heard from so many people maintenance is the hardest thing. [I used to think], 'Try losing 200 pounds.' But maintenance really is a lifetime."
Similarly, I think many people implement an unrealistically Spartan and stringent debt elimination regimen that probably can't be sustained for the long term (think Dave Ramsey's "gazelle intensity"). It's easy to slide back to old (bad) habits when you feel deprived during the process.
That's why I think it's more important to develop realistic and moderate plans that can be incorporated into your normal lifestyle. I know I lack "gazelle intensity" but that's okay. I'd rather have a slow, steady plan that I know I'm capable of accomplishing than one that may cause me to regress.
3. Life Happens - Be Prepared to Deal with It
At some point, things happen that are out of our control, causing us to spend/eat more than we planned. Often times, binges come about due to lack of planning and preparation.
A while back, a commenter to one of my posts made the following remark:
“$12,500 in credit card debt is not [Shtinkykat’s] problem nor is the car loan. The problem is [her] $100k student loans. … And btw stop 'saving' and start paying off that … debt. Your savings is pointless if you continue to have a large debt.”
I’ve continued to struggle with whether to stop saving and to dedicate all of my paycheck minus monthly expenses towards eliminating debt.
The commenter definitely makes a good point. For instance, in 2006, I stopped contributing to my 401k while I struggled to get my monthly expenses below my monthly income. As I previously stated, this was the smartest move I made, since I stopped contributing at the height of the stock market bubble. Secondly, I also recognize that paying off debts provide guaranteed returns, as opposed to the stock market, where I have to take risks to get some returns.
But we all know emergencies don't come about neatly one at a time. When you don't have a security net or an emergency fund, it's easy to get right back into debt.
Now that my monthly expenses are within my monthly income, I’ve started contributing to my 401k again and I’ve been putting a little bit of money aside into my savings every month. I may not be eliminating my debt as quickly as the folks on Biggest Loser shed their weight, but I'm not regaining my debt either since I have the fund to pay off most emergencies.
4. Have An Ongoing Support Network
I suspect the biggest problem for the folks on the Biggest Loser after the show ends is that their support group of professional fitness trainers and dieticians disappear. It's important to have an ongoing network of people who will support, encourage and provide guidance and useful tips.
Normally, that support group should be the family. For example, Ambercouric from Becoming Debt Free in 2009 dealt with her husband's pay cut by asking her entire family (including kids) to provide input as to what gets cut from the family budget. By getting her family involved, this becomes a group effort and the entire family is in it together.
For me, the PF blogging community has been my support group. I haven't been able to confess my debts to any of my friends or family members so I air my frustrations and jubilations on my blog. And for that, thank you all. You've been great. With your help, hopefully, I won't be a PF Biggest Loser!
I recently read this article on AOL about the 3rd season Biggest Loser champ, Erik Chopin, who lost 214 lbs only to gain back half of it once the show ended.
Why am I not surprised? I’ve only watched a couple episodes but I recall thinking that the participants' transformations were so unrealistic that they were destined to fail once the show is over. Looks like I was right.
Thusly, I’ve concluded that I don’t want to be the PF equivalent of the “Biggest Loser”. So how can I avoid becoming a PF Biggest Loser?
1. Be Motivated For the Right Reasons
The AOL article states:
Weighing in close to 300 pounds, Chopin says once he stopped getting attention from the show, he fell into depression and stopped exercising.I suspect Mr. Chopin initially wanted to improve his health, but sometime during filiming, the emotional highs of being a TV celebrity replaced (or surpassed) that motivation. Once that celebrity faded, he lost his way.
In my case, I only seem to be motivated by anger or disappointment rather than an innate desire to improve myself. For example, I wasn’t motivated to improve my pathetic financial state until American Express rejected me for a credit card. And I’ve only recently become motivated to speed up my credit card payments when Chase unilaterally changed the terms of my debt repayment.
A fickle or passing emotion is never a good foundation upon which to establish healthy habits, financial or otherwise. I need to learn to do the right thing for my own sake.
2. Debt Elimination and Weight Loss Are Long Term
On the Oprah Show, Mr. Chopin says, "When you're going on that kind of a journey [on The Biggest Loser], there's a finish line... Beyond the finish line, I'd heard from so many people maintenance is the hardest thing. [I used to think], 'Try losing 200 pounds.' But maintenance really is a lifetime."
Similarly, I think many people implement an unrealistically Spartan and stringent debt elimination regimen that probably can't be sustained for the long term (think Dave Ramsey's "gazelle intensity"). It's easy to slide back to old (bad) habits when you feel deprived during the process.
That's why I think it's more important to develop realistic and moderate plans that can be incorporated into your normal lifestyle. I know I lack "gazelle intensity" but that's okay. I'd rather have a slow, steady plan that I know I'm capable of accomplishing than one that may cause me to regress.
3. Life Happens - Be Prepared to Deal with It
At some point, things happen that are out of our control, causing us to spend/eat more than we planned. Often times, binges come about due to lack of planning and preparation.
A while back, a commenter to one of my posts made the following remark:
“$12,500 in credit card debt is not [Shtinkykat’s] problem nor is the car loan. The problem is [her] $100k student loans. … And btw stop 'saving' and start paying off that … debt. Your savings is pointless if you continue to have a large debt.”
I’ve continued to struggle with whether to stop saving and to dedicate all of my paycheck minus monthly expenses towards eliminating debt.
The commenter definitely makes a good point. For instance, in 2006, I stopped contributing to my 401k while I struggled to get my monthly expenses below my monthly income. As I previously stated, this was the smartest move I made, since I stopped contributing at the height of the stock market bubble. Secondly, I also recognize that paying off debts provide guaranteed returns, as opposed to the stock market, where I have to take risks to get some returns.
But we all know emergencies don't come about neatly one at a time. When you don't have a security net or an emergency fund, it's easy to get right back into debt.
Now that my monthly expenses are within my monthly income, I’ve started contributing to my 401k again and I’ve been putting a little bit of money aside into my savings every month. I may not be eliminating my debt as quickly as the folks on Biggest Loser shed their weight, but I'm not regaining my debt either since I have the fund to pay off most emergencies.
4. Have An Ongoing Support Network
I suspect the biggest problem for the folks on the Biggest Loser after the show ends is that their support group of professional fitness trainers and dieticians disappear. It's important to have an ongoing network of people who will support, encourage and provide guidance and useful tips.
Normally, that support group should be the family. For example, Ambercouric from Becoming Debt Free in 2009 dealt with her husband's pay cut by asking her entire family (including kids) to provide input as to what gets cut from the family budget. By getting her family involved, this becomes a group effort and the entire family is in it together.
For me, the PF blogging community has been my support group. I haven't been able to confess my debts to any of my friends or family members so I air my frustrations and jubilations on my blog. And for that, thank you all. You've been great. With your help, hopefully, I won't be a PF Biggest Loser!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Reinstating My Envelope System
I just tallied up my December spending and… HOLY [bleeping] CANOLI! My total expenditure in December was $3,153.91! (Note: This was not totally due to my personal spending. A lot of this included business expenses for which I’ve mostly been reimbursed.)
I thought I had everything accounted for, but I obviously didn’t, since I’m short $98.27 in what I’ve set aside to pay for my December expenses.
For most of last year, I kept track of my spending using a modified envelope budgeting system which worked extremely well. But I got really cocky and fell off the wagon in November. {Sigh} This is what I get for my hubris. I guess it’s time to reinstate my modified envelope system again.
The basic concept of the envelope system is to keep a pre-established amount of cash in an envelope to pay a certain category of expense for that month. Once the cash is spent, there is no more money available for that expense item until the following month. (Dave Ramsey is one of many advocates of the envelope method. His method can be found here.)
I normally pay for irregular expenses (i.e., monthly expenses that differ month-to-month, like groceries, food, gas, toiletries, incidentals) with my credit card. So I tailored the envelope system to suit my needs – my envelopes don’t hold cash, but receipts.
I have a monthly budget of $500 to pay for irregular expenses. When gas was $4.50/gallon last summer, I set aside $130 of my budget to pay for gas. I also set aside $100 as a "cushion". If I had any of my "cushion" money left over at the end of the month, I earmarked it in my savings to pay for other future expenses. That left me with $270/month (or, $8.70/day) for groceries, food, toiletries and incidentals.
On one side of the envelope, I keep a day-to-day tally of my expenditures. On the other side, I keep a day-to-day tally of my "accrued" budget. For example, on the 5th day of the month, I would write down the accrued budget amount on one side of the envelope: e.g., $43.50 = $8.70 x 5. If I flipped the envelope and saw that I’d already spent $50, I'd immediately know I was $6.50 over-budget.
This method worked well for me since it kept all of my receipts in one location and it also made me aware of how much I was spending.
In hindsight, it was extremely stupid of me to fall out of the envelope system during the holiday season. Now I know I can’t manage without it.
I thought I had everything accounted for, but I obviously didn’t, since I’m short $98.27 in what I’ve set aside to pay for my December expenses.
For most of last year, I kept track of my spending using a modified envelope budgeting system which worked extremely well. But I got really cocky and fell off the wagon in November. {Sigh} This is what I get for my hubris. I guess it’s time to reinstate my modified envelope system again.
The basic concept of the envelope system is to keep a pre-established amount of cash in an envelope to pay a certain category of expense for that month. Once the cash is spent, there is no more money available for that expense item until the following month. (Dave Ramsey is one of many advocates of the envelope method. His method can be found here.)I normally pay for irregular expenses (i.e., monthly expenses that differ month-to-month, like groceries, food, gas, toiletries, incidentals) with my credit card. So I tailored the envelope system to suit my needs – my envelopes don’t hold cash, but receipts.
I have a monthly budget of $500 to pay for irregular expenses. When gas was $4.50/gallon last summer, I set aside $130 of my budget to pay for gas. I also set aside $100 as a "cushion". If I had any of my "cushion" money left over at the end of the month, I earmarked it in my savings to pay for other future expenses. That left me with $270/month (or, $8.70/day) for groceries, food, toiletries and incidentals.
On one side of the envelope, I keep a day-to-day tally of my expenditures. On the other side, I keep a day-to-day tally of my "accrued" budget. For example, on the 5th day of the month, I would write down the accrued budget amount on one side of the envelope: e.g., $43.50 = $8.70 x 5. If I flipped the envelope and saw that I’d already spent $50, I'd immediately know I was $6.50 over-budget.
This method worked well for me since it kept all of my receipts in one location and it also made me aware of how much I was spending.
In hindsight, it was extremely stupid of me to fall out of the envelope system during the holiday season. Now I know I can’t manage without it.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Tragedy Leading to Weekend of Reflection
This past Saturday, I attended a memorial service for a young man (age 34) who committed suicide over New Year’s weekend. I was merely an acquaintance of this young man (i.e., friend of a friend), but the news greatly saddened me.
For the past few days, I’ve been trying to make sense out of this seemingly senseless act by a handsome, witty young man that seemingly had everything going for him.
Nothing still makes sense, but here are a couple things that I hope to have learned from this tragedy.
Seek Help for Depression
During the service, the father of the young man explained that the decedent suffered from clinical depression, which runs in the family. The decedent didn’t seek help but chose rather to self-medicate with alcohol. The father implored everyone to seek help if they are depressed since it won’t just go away.
This struck a chord since my family has a history of depression and suicide. My family never discusses this issue since this is considered a "disgrace" within my culture.
According to WebMD, major depression affects about 14 million American adults or about 6.7% of the population 18 or older in any given year.
Untreated clinical depression is a serious problem.
Take Care of Your Loved Ones After Your Death
The young man was engaged to be married this summer. The home that he shared with his fiance was only in his name, and the fiance is currently pondering where she will live next.
I don't know whether the young man's estate will be distributed via probate or via intestate laws. But this demonstrates the importance of estate planning at any stage of your life.
Every estate plan should include:
None of this will alleviate the survivors' pain associated with the death of a loved one, but it will ensure that the deceased's assets are protected for the benefit of the survivors.
Do Not Be Isolated
Many people attended the young man's memorial service. I wondered how many of these people did this young man reach out to and vice versa?
Just as a better quality of life may lead to more social interaction, a more developed social network probably promotes better quality of life. Therefore, interventions that target social interaction should be part of the support for people suffering from depression or other illnesses.
For the past few days, I’ve been trying to make sense out of this seemingly senseless act by a handsome, witty young man that seemingly had everything going for him.
Nothing still makes sense, but here are a couple things that I hope to have learned from this tragedy.
Seek Help for Depression
During the service, the father of the young man explained that the decedent suffered from clinical depression, which runs in the family. The decedent didn’t seek help but chose rather to self-medicate with alcohol. The father implored everyone to seek help if they are depressed since it won’t just go away.
This struck a chord since my family has a history of depression and suicide. My family never discusses this issue since this is considered a "disgrace" within my culture.
According to WebMD, major depression affects about 14 million American adults or about 6.7% of the population 18 or older in any given year.
Untreated clinical depression is a serious problem.
Untreated depression increases the chance of risky behaviors such as drug or alcohol addiction. It also can ruin relationships, cause problems at work, make it difficult to overcome serious illnesses, and even result in suicide.I've personally witnessed the devastation suffered by survivors of suicide. I would never want to put my loved ones through such an ordeal. I hope and pray that should I ever suffer from major depression, that I would have the strength and courage to seek help. There is no shame in seeking treatment for depression.
Clinical depression, also known as major depression, is an illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts. Clinical depression affects the way you eat and sleep. It affects the way you feel about yourself and those around you. It even affects your thoughts.
People who are depressed cannot simply "pull themselves together" and be cured.
Take Care of Your Loved Ones After Your Death
The young man was engaged to be married this summer. The home that he shared with his fiance was only in his name, and the fiance is currently pondering where she will live next.
I don't know whether the young man's estate will be distributed via probate or via intestate laws. But this demonstrates the importance of estate planning at any stage of your life.
Every estate plan should include:
- a will (a written document that says who gets what and names guardians for minors);
- signed durable power of attorney (which names a person who can make financial decisions for you when you are unable);
- a health care proxy (which names the person who will make medical decisions for you in the event of your incapacitation), and
- a written living will (which sets forth how much medical intervention you want to receive).
None of this will alleviate the survivors' pain associated with the death of a loved one, but it will ensure that the deceased's assets are protected for the benefit of the survivors.
Do Not Be Isolated
Many people attended the young man's memorial service. I wondered how many of these people did this young man reach out to and vice versa?
Just as a better quality of life may lead to more social interaction, a more developed social network probably promotes better quality of life. Therefore, interventions that target social interaction should be part of the support for people suffering from depression or other illnesses.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
End of the Year Reflection - My 7 Stages of Debt Repayment
After I wrote about how I'm no longer underwater on my student loans, I marveled how my debt repayment process was awfully similar to that of the 7-stages of grief.
1. Shock (1998-1999) and Denial (1998-2007)
When I graduated from law school in 1998, I knew I was graduating with a big debt ($106,925, to be exact), but I never paid attention to exactly how much and never gave much thought on how I was going to pay back the loans.
When the grace-period after graduation expired, my reaction was, “Oh my God, I don’t know how I’m going to repay this. But I’m sure it’ll all work out somehow.”
I’m not sure exactly why I thought things were going to "work out somehow", since I didn’t have a budget or a plan.
During this time, I “borrowed” (read:took accepted) money from my parents and lived on credit cards. Whenever I was short on money (which was always), I sought and received forebearances on my student loans. I lived in complete and utter denial.
It seems like other people experience this type of denial as well. This article from MSN Money highlights the story of Sophia Wallace:
2. Pain and Guilt (1999-2001)
As I was (barely) making my minimum monthly student loan payments and digging myself deeper into credit card debt, I kept thinking to myself, “What have I done? Why didn’t I study harder during undergrad so that I could get scholarships? Why didn’t I research whether I qualified for grants? Why am I not independently wealthy? Why, why, whyyyyyyy????”
I wallowed in self-pity for about 2 years, conveniently disregarding the fact that I got myself into this whole mess.
3. Anger and Bargaining (2001)
Despite the fact that I wastaking accepting money from my parents to make ends meet, I found myself getting angry at my parents for not being rich enough to pay for my law school education.
Some of my classmates/friends lived in Beverly Hills and their parents funded their education 100%. Although some of these classmates were earning the same amount as I, they were living a much more extravagant lifestyle since they had no student loans to pay back.
I grumbled that I too could be living the "high life" had my parents paid for my law school education. I cursed my parents for not being rich. (Talk about misdirected anger!)
1. Shock (1998-1999) and Denial (1998-2007)
When I graduated from law school in 1998, I knew I was graduating with a big debt ($106,925, to be exact), but I never paid attention to exactly how much and never gave much thought on how I was going to pay back the loans.
When the grace-period after graduation expired, my reaction was, “Oh my God, I don’t know how I’m going to repay this. But I’m sure it’ll all work out somehow.”
I’m not sure exactly why I thought things were going to "work out somehow", since I didn’t have a budget or a plan.
During this time, I “borrowed” (read:
It seems like other people experience this type of denial as well. This article from MSN Money highlights the story of Sophia Wallace:
The 28-year-old New York resident has a master's degree from a prestigious university, a successful career in photography, stamps in her passport from around the globe and, until recently, personal finances that were out of control.
When Wallace graduated with a student-loan debt of $60,000, she found herself overwhelmed to the point of financial paralysis. She tore through a $5,000 loan from her dad as bills stacked up. She had no idea where her money was going -- despite making what she defines as a good salary. The sense of powerlessness crippled her.
2. Pain and Guilt (1999-2001)
As I was (barely) making my minimum monthly student loan payments and digging myself deeper into credit card debt, I kept thinking to myself, “What have I done? Why didn’t I study harder during undergrad so that I could get scholarships? Why didn’t I research whether I qualified for grants? Why am I not independently wealthy? Why, why, whyyyyyyy????”
I wallowed in self-pity for about 2 years, conveniently disregarding the fact that I got myself into this whole mess.
3. Anger and Bargaining (2001)
Despite the fact that I was
Some of my classmates/friends lived in Beverly Hills and their parents funded their education 100%. Although some of these classmates were earning the same amount as I, they were living a much more extravagant lifestyle since they had no student loans to pay back.
I grumbled that I too could be living the "high life" had my parents paid for my law school education. I cursed my parents for not being rich. (Talk about misdirected anger!)
I also bought lots of Lotto tickets, praying to God, “If you let me win just enough to pay off my student loans, I promise I will do pro bono legal work for the poor and needy…” I don’t know exactly how much I spent on Lotto tickets, but that money probably would’ve been better spent paying off my debt, don't you think?
4. Depression, Reflection and Loneliness (2001-2007)
I was depressed and withdrew from many of my friends. They were all buying houses and I was still living in a rented 1 BR apartment (and still am). They were driving fancy cars and I was still driving my mom’s hand-me down, beater Toyota Corolla.
I was already $157,000+ in debt and went through a downward spiral of spending binges on cars, fancy designer clothes and accessories, and fancy vacations.
I may not be rich, but at least I can spend like one.
In 2003, I fell behind on my student loan and some credit card payments. I came to accept the fact that I was going to die with my debts. Who cares about my credit score? I'll never be able to buy a house anyways.
5. The Upward Turn (2007)
(Earlier this month, FruGal was very kind enough to highlight me in her “Five Minutes With” series. The following is from the interview.) My lightbulb moment came when I got rejected for an American Express Clear Card.
I was desperate to transfer some of my high-interest credit card balance to a 0% interest card. American Express instantly rejected me for: 1) serious delinquent payment history and 2.) excessive debt-to-credit ratio.
I’d never been rejected for a credit card so this was a horrible slap in the face. I knew I needed to do something. But what? How?
6. Reconstruction and Working Through (2007-present)
After the rejection, I tallied up my debt payments and I discovered, to my horror, that my monthly expenses were $500 over my monthly income. I had no choice but to: (a) increase my income by taking a second job and/or (b) reduce my debt.
My second job as a telemarketer for a cheesy timeshare didn’t last for a month. So I chose option (b).
In 2007, I liquidated most of my employee stock option account, my savings and my Roth IRA to pay down $17,000 of my credit card debt immediately. I also stopped contributing to my 401k (i.e., tax-deferred, employer sponsored retirement account) for 7 months to increase my cash flow. At the time, liquidating my assets was the hardest and scariest thing I’d ever done.
I was also ruing the lost opportunity of not contributing to my 401k, but as they say, things happen for a reason. This was the smartest move I ever made since I'd stopped contributing during the height of the stock market bubble and paid down my debts instead.
Anyhow, during this time, I did the next scariest thing – I created a budget for the first time in my life.
7. Acceptance and Hope (2008) [My Current Stage!!]
Up until mid-2008, I was still pretty depressed since I was upside-down on my debt and I didn't think I could pay off my debt ever.
But when I plugged the numbers in a debt reduction calculator and into my spreadsheet, I discovered that I could pay off my entire debt in 6 years and 5 months. I thought, "That’s totally do-able AND I’ll still be in my early 40s when that happens!" A ray of light.
Well… the rest is documented in my blog that I started in August 2008 with the encouragement of Sallie's Niece.
I still have a long journey ahead of me and my blog is helping me be honest and accountable. I am grateful for all the tips, support, encouragement, and yes, criticism, the PF blogging community has given me in 2008.
Thank you all and have a blessed 2009! Go PF Bloggers!
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