Monday, October 12, 2009

TMI Monday - - Thank Goodness I Have Health Insurance

** Warning: Adult TMI content below, not suitable for children. **

If I ever had doubts about whether I should remain single for the rest of my life, a recent date removed all reservations. I swear, my love life resembles a Farrelly Brothers movie.

What does this have to do with health insurance? Let's just say a recent out-of-town date ended with a visit to the ER. And don't worry -- it had nothing to do with domestic violence, injury or illness. It was just a tragicomic, embarrassing debacle.

I previously wrote about how I may consider dating younger men. (One matter of note: I previously referred to myself as a "cougar" but apparently, I am actually a "puma"). I was kidding when I wrote that post, but I recently hooked up with a nice, handsome young man 6 years my junior. (Score!)

Unfortunately, my romantic out-of-town date with the cub ended with a "disappearing" ... ummm.... "protection." (This apparently happens more often than one would imagine.)

We turned over the sheets, looked under the bed and looked all over. There was only one place it could be and I couldn't retrieve it myself. *Cr&p!* And as Murphy's Law would dictate, (1) it was the weekend, (2) we're out of town, and (3) it was after-hours, so I couldn't go to my regular doctor. I had no choice but to go to the ER to get it removed.

After 5 hours of waiting in the ER and numerous embarrassing explanations to the intake nurse, the intern, and the attending, I was free. (And in more ways than one, since I'm no longer speaking with the cub.)

How much did this procedure cost? According to my health insurance records:
Hospital Charge: $587.50. Insurance Paid: $537.50
Doctor Charge: $112.00. Insurance Paid: $47.17 (In-network, negotiated rate)
My total responsibility: $50.00

Thank goodness this out-of-town ER was inside my insurance network. I can't imagine what it would have cost if it wasn't.

Even with the in-network rates, I would've been out-of-pocket $699.50 for something so ridiculous if I was uninsured. I really don't know whether the contemplated health care overhaul is a good thing or not, but if it's going to reduce the number of uninsureds, I'm not so sure it's not a good thing. (Has my double negative confused you yet?)

On a side note, I also think this is a sign that I should stay away from dating... or, perhaps maybe I need to stay celibate.


444 said...

Thanks for providing some entertainment during my morning rounds of reading the blogs. I hope the er... procedure, whatever it might have been (that I'm trying not to imagine) wasn't too painful. Did anyone at all, during the multiple embarrassing explanations you had to give, snicker? Or even crack a smirk? I hope not - and I would give them points for professionalism. ;oD Then again, with their jobs, they've probably seen it all - and that would not even faze them. Glad it was out-of-town and you don't have to go back there! :oD

Money Beagle said...

As a wearer, those items have always been exactly where I put them when finished up. Maybe for your guy, the item in question was incorrectly sized. And no wonder you're no longer seeing each other if the next shopping trip included any type of comment along the lines of "Maybe you'd be more comfortable in these extra smalls...."

Shtinkykat said...

@ 444: Eh, it was like any other gynecological exam. Nothing gory. And yes, everyone at the ER kept a straight face and were very professional.

@ MB: Oh, snap. It had nothing to do with size. I chalk this debacle to defective product. :-)

Anonymous said...

That happened to my friend about 10 years ago. Not much you can do but go to the doctor.

Money Funk said...

LMAO! Oh Shtinkykat... your not the only one that's happened to (feel a bit of relief). I somehow remained unaware that it didn't come back out with the man. Only to find it a couple days later. LOL.

What an embarrasing situation to be remembered forever. A puma, huh? Never heard such a term. Hmmm...

Keep us entertained with the dating adventures. :)

Anonymous said...

Believe it or not, this actually happened to me while I was in grad school. A one night stand - nothing I am proud of. Actually extremely embarrassing. I ended up going to the infirmary where they wanted to know how long we had been dating etc (I lied of course) and then proceeded to talk to me about the possibility of pregnancy. They also gave me a presciption of high doses of birth control to block the pregnancy if it was a possibility. They were very professional but I thought they went overboard on the pregnancy thing.

Sallie's Niece said...

Oh crap. I'm gonna plead the fifth on this one but yes this can happen. Yikes I'm sorry it happened to you!

Anonymous said...

I'm not a virgin or anything...but I really do not understand what happened to you after reading this! Am I just stupid or are you really good at using euphamisms?

Shtinkykat said...

@ Anon: Sorry about the veiled reference but I'm really embarrassed about this whole thing and didn't want to spell it out. Click on the link in my post that says, "This apparently happens more often..." It'll spell out in explicit terms what happened during my boogie night.

frugal zeitgeist said...

Oh damn, what a mess. That happened to me once. Not fun, even though I was able to retrieve it, uh, personally. Just be glad you got it out with no further impact.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about that, how awkward must that have been? OTOH, thanks for the entertaining story!

Anonymous said...

emm... thanks for text.