Give More Than You Get

I've made a personal commitment to live by this motto.

In the past, I lived by the motto, "Do unto others as they have done for me." For example, if some one didn't do "X" for me, I won't do "X" for them either. I guess in many ways this is a pragmatic way to live. But it also made me miserable because I was keeping score. And I've come to the conclusion that keeping score is exhausting, limiting and ultimately, self-defeating.

Don't get me wrong - - I have no intention of trying to make friends with those who have intentionally wronged or back-stabbed me in the past. I'm just talking about those people who haven't necessarily reciprocated my kind gestures in the past.

I bring this up because my BFF told me, "If 'giving more than you get' is your motto, you're going to discover that you got taken advantage of your entire life." My BFF said this with respect to my friend, "Tara," who I take out to lunch every year for her birthday. Tara has never remembered my birthday. This irked me for a while, but I came to the conclusion that I'm just being petty.

Tara is a single mother who is sandwiched between taking care of her college-bound daughter and a sick, invalid father. She has a lot on her plate and I doubt remembering my birthday is high on her priority list. Besides, I haven't really cared about my birthday since I turned 30 either.

My BFF said, "Tara is just using you and she'll see you nothing other than a free meal-ticket. She will do nothing for you. You watch." Of course, my BFF has never met Tara and is casting a broad judgment based upon this one issue. Fact of the matter is, Tara wouldn't care if I never paid for her lunch. I just take Tara out to lunch on her birthday because it's an excuse to get together and catch up. She never expects or have asked to be taken out.

I took Tara out to lunch for her birthday last week. She offered and even insisted on paying for her own meal, but I paid anyways. She finally sheepishly said, "You always do this for me and I don't even know your birthday. When is it?" I told her my birthday was in June but didn't say the specific day . After all, I don't take her out with the expectation that she'll take me out for mine.

On a side note, my BFF complains that she has no "girl-friends" that she can hang out with. What she really means is that she has no friends that she deems worthy to hang out with. I guess when you expect your friends to reciprocate every kind thing you do for them, you're pretty much going to limit your circle of friends.

2010 Year-End Progress Report

This is my (belated) 2010 year-end financial review.

Due to family obligations last year, I hadn't been updating my blog regularly other than to blow steam about my parents' financial irresponsibility.

With my father now deceased (RIP), I am hoping that my life will return to "normal" and that I will be able to resume a semi-regular update of my financial progress.

MY DEBT

	Starting Debt (6/08)	Last Month	This Month	DIFFERENCE
Private SL	$49,528.99	$33,936.80	$33,486.00	$(450.80)
Fed'l SL	$55,852.68	$52,101.45	$51,953.37	$(148.08)
Car Loan	$9,779.33	$0.00	$0.00	$(0.00)
CC	$13,610.75	$0.00	$0.00	$(0.00)
TOTAL	$128,771.75	$86,038.25	$85,439.37	$(598.88)

I totally fell off of the snowball plan last year. It's partly because my monthly budget took a whack every time I traveled out-of-state to attend to my parents' bankruptcy and health care issues. I also blew beaucoup cash to deal with my emotional upheavals in dealing with my parents. Hey, retail therapy is a proud American tradition, no? Even if it isn't, our economic recovery depends upon it, sadly.

Anyhow, here's a recap:

Total debt in 12/31/09: $96,750.67
Total debt in 12/31/10: $85,439.37
Reduction in $: $11,311.30
Reduction in %: 11.69%


SAVINGS

LAST MONTH	THIS MONTH	DIFFERENCE
$9,592.59	$9,696.45	+$103.86

The savings I report here is with respect to my emergency fund savings only and does not include my future spending earmarks. My ultimate goal is to save $36,000.

Total EF in 12/31/09: $8,472.64
Total EF in 12/31/10: $9,696.45
Increase in $: $1,223.81
Increase in %: 14.44%


MY "X"-FUND

LAST MONTH	THIS MONTH	DIFFERENCE
$28,443.10	$28,523.41	+$80.31

My "X"-Fund represents a part of a recent windfall that I'd set aside for some unplanned expense. I was thinking it could serve as a supplement to my emergency fund or a down-payment for my first home, but I'm very, very tempted to use this money to pay off my private student loans some time down the road. After all, this money is currently accruing interest at an anemic 1.3% APY. My private student loans are costing me ~3.6% APR. On paper it's a no-brainer, but the emotional security this money gives me is incalculable.


MY ROP (LIFE INS) FUND

LAST MONTH	THIS MONTH	DIFFERENCE
$1,003.23	$1,066.14	+$62.91

Long story short, I bought term life insurance but created a hypothetical whole life insurance policy (or, return of premium (ROP) term life insurance policy). I'm basically trying to see whether I can earn back my life insurance premiums through various investments.

So far, my investments have yielded a 9.06% return. With the stock market surging though, I don't think I'll be buying any stocks or ETFs in the near future. I'll wait for the inevitable (yet somehow unexpected) market correction.


MY NET WORTH

LAST MONTH	THIS MONTH	DIFFERENCE
$133,127.73	$143,084.85	+$9,957.12

Looks great doesn't it? But if I omit my 401k and IRAs, my net worth is... -$35,413.41. I'll do the happy dance when my net worth (excl-retirement accounts) is no longer in the red.

Net worth on 12/31/09: $53,922.34
Net worth on 12/31/10: $143,084.85
Increase in $: $89,162.51
Increase in %: 165.35%

The increase in my net worth is mostly attributed to: (a) 401k value increased by ~$45,000, (b) net windfall of ~$28,000, (c) debt reduction of ~$11,000.

The breakdown and the history of my net worth can be seen here.

What Are You Doing with the Social Security Payroll Tax Cut?

I got my first paycheck of 2011 and it was more than I expected. (This is partly due to the fact that I reduced my 401k contributions by 1% back in August because I would have otherwise maxed out my 401k contributions before my last paycheck and missed out on some of the company match.) But it looks like my Social Security payroll tax cut accounts for an additional $80 per paycheck or so.

I'm not too thrilled about this tax-cut, though, because I've always been worried about the solvency of the Social Security program when I retire. As a sign that we probably can't afford this tax cut, the government is borrowing $112 billion to make Social Security whole.

I guess the thought behind the SS payroll cut is to stimulate the economy. Unfortunately, I'm probably not going to put the money back into the stream of commerce. I intend to use the money to pay down my private student loans and/or to increase my Roth IRA contributions. I guess I'm no better than the companies that are hoarding cash rather than hiring, despite tax cuts and other government cheap money.

If I'm worried that I won't be able to collect on Social Security, I might as well reduce my debt and sock this money into my Roth, right? But does this make me a bad citizen? Maybe to alleviate my guilt, I'll continue to buy I-Bonds despite the less-than-thrilling rates they've been giving lately.

My Father Passed Away This Early Morning

I guess the title says it all. In all honesty, I'm more relieved than anything. I saw my father last on November 1st. I tried to encourage him to stay positive but he replied, "Every time I try to think positively, it just seems like I run into set backs. It's as though I shouldn't even try to be positive. All I wanted was to die quickly and painlessly. I can't even succeed at that." My father was a broken man in life and he wasted away in pain during his last months. For whatever he suffered in life, I hope he is happy in the afterlife. Rest in peace, Dad.

Right now, I'm struggling with the conflict between juggling family/cultural obligations vs. financial responsibility. For example, I suspect that my father's brother (my uncle) wants my father's ashes to be buried in the family plot in the old country. I'm not certain, but it appears that the Buddhist Temple would require a yearly maintenance fee or rent that could potentially cost anywhere between $200 - $1,000/year. My mother also believes we need to go back to the old country to hold a memorial for my father's family. The travel costs during the holiday + memorial costs (feeding my father's extended family) could easily run $20,000.

I hate to think of my father in terms of dollar-and-cents, but is it really my burden to carry on this potentially never-ending financial obligation, especially when my father didn't plan for it himself? Am I a bad daughter for even thinking in these terms?

I also feel guilty for feeling grateful that my father passed away before his term life insurance lapsed. This means we'll have some money (~$200k) to hold in trust for my mother in the event she needs to go into an assisted living facility. I'm glad my sister and I had the foresight to file my parent's bankruptcy so that this life insurance money can be preserved for the care of my mother.

There's just something tasteless about not wanting to do something for a deceased parent due to money. But at the same time, I need to do what's financially responsible for me. Where do I draw the line? What are my filial duties and obligations? Perhaps this is one of those questions that have no right-or-wrong answers.

Placed My Father In a Nursing Home This Weekend

My sister, for the past few months, has been trying to get my father approved for Medicaid Long Term Care to help pay for my dad's Adult Daycare costs. At the time she initiated the process, my father was deemed "too healthy" and has "too much income" to qualify for Medicaid.

With respect to his income, I finally filed my parents' Ch. 7 bankruptcy petition on 9/30/10. This will free up my parents' income for their own care, rather than paying back overwhelming credit card debts. My sister and I also set up a "Miller" Trust" to get past the Medicaid income requirement. In a nutshell, my dad's entire monthly income will go into the Trust, with my sister acting as Trustee. My sister is required to disburse my father's income for various approved expenses: my dad's personal needs, spousal support to my mother and reimbursement to Medicaid. At the end of every month, my father's monthly income will need to be spent completely for all approved expenses. Anything left over, gets handed over to Medicaid.

With respect to his health, my father appears to have lost all will to live. He won't eat and spends most of his days and nights just sleeping. He can barely remain standing or sitting upright for a minute before he has to lie down. He was approved for hospice care, which will be paid by Medicare. My father will probably undergo a second-round of health evaluation by a Medicaid nurse to see whether he now qualifies. (He undoubtedly will qualify now.)

My family concluded that my dad is now beyond my sister's or my mother's ability to properly care for him. My dad doesn't make his care-giving any easier with his disrespectful attitude towards my mother and my sister. (On the flip side, when standing in his shoes, I wouldn't want my last days being at the mercy of people I hated either.) No matter how you looked at it, we all felt that placing him in a nursing home was the best option.

My sister and my mother went to look at various Medicaid-approved nursing homes. What they found were shocking. All of the commercial facilities that resemble mini-hospitals were "private pay"-only facilities that charged upwards of $5000/month-$7000/month. When my sister mentioned "Medicaid," these private-pay facilities hung up on her.

All of the Medicaid-approved facilities were run by private individuals out of single-family homes. I had the opportunity to inspect two facilities - one was a depressing home with a wall-eyed "nurse" dressed in sweats and a dirty t-shirt. The room was dark and dingy and the carpeting looked stained and dusty. I didn't even bother to inspect the bathrooms.

The second home was a bright, clean home with the proprietor's licenses prominently displayed in the lobby. The nurses at this home wore medical scrubs and looked very professional. The bathrooms were handicap-accessible and clean. The second home charged $2,500/month for a small, private bedroom. My sister and my mother both agreed that this second facility was the best out of all they've inspected. There was an immediate vacancy on 9/27. My sister and I debated whether we should wait until my father was approved for Medicaid or whether we should place him immediately and pay out-of-pocket in the interim.

We concluded that the bigger risk was to wait for Medicaid approval and the nursing home would no longer have a vacancy. We sucked it up, paid $2,500 for the first month and placed my dad in the facility this past Saturday. My dad didn't argue, fight or resist the transfer. The nurses gave him a cup of Ensure blended with some ice cream (the only thing he will consume) and he went to sleep. We visited him again yesterday morning and the only thing he complained about was that his internet wasn't working. When we fixed his internet, he promptly went back to sleep.

Watching my father wither away makes me wonder - - is there any reason to keep someone alive who is clearly terminally ill and no longer has the will to live?

Filing For Bankruptcy

No, not me. The only debt I have right now is my oppressive student loans (~$88k) which can't be BK'd away. *Bleh*

My sister and I hired an attorney to file Chapter 7 bankruptcy on behalf of my parents. Since my parents have absolutely no assets to speak of, the bankruptcy filing is relatively straightforward and simple. I could've done the work since I'm admitted to practice in federal court, but quite frankly, I'm pissed with my parents for being so careless and apathetic about their finances. (In April, they had $60k in credit card debt and had no clue about it!) My sister made valiant efforts to get my parents (or at least my mother) to sit down to discuss a budget, but they couldn't care less. After four months, my sister managed to get my parents' debt down to $55k! But it's only a matter of time before my father will pass away, leaving a crushing debt that is unaffordable under my mother's Social Security survivor's benefits alone. C'est la vie - - my parents will pay a flat fee of $1,895 + $300 filing fee to bankrupt away their debts. I'm not going to pay this cost for them.

Of course, my sister and I will be doing all of the leg-work of compiling information about my parents' debt, their income, their cost-of-living, etc. And the next struggle will be to get my mother to actually undergo credit counseling. (My dad will likely be exempt due to his dementia.) Since my mother never bothered to learn English, I will probably have to attend with her and translate. Joy.


I'm sorry to be complaining here. But I just can't forgive or fathom my parents' attitude that their financial mess is their daughters' responsibility to clean up.

I Had A Job Interview Yesterday

I made a commitment to my big sis that I will look for a job in Phoenix to help her care for our parents. So yesterday I had a job interview with a prospective employer. The interview went relatively well. But... I may not probably won't get the job especially since I learned that my new boss will be my old boss from 10 years ago with whom I previously did not get along.

I was asked how I got along with my former boss. I danced around the issue and said, "He ran a tight ship and I struggled a bit since I was transitioning from an attorney job to a corporate one. It wasn't all smooth sailing but we're both professionals." But... my former boss may bad mouth me and I may be kiboshed. *Shrug*

Anyhow, before my job interview, I came across an article that said good looking people do better at interviews. Which made me wonder: Do I have an advantage?

Beauty is part subjective and part objective. I've heard that if your face matches the Fibonacci Golden Ratio, you're deemed objectively "beautiful." (Although some scientists have refuted this theory.)

Out of morbid curiosity, I used the formula from this page. I heard that Angelina Jolie has the perfect ratio, so I used the picture below and plugged in her numbers.





And whaddaya know? Based upon my imperfect measurement technique, Angelina still came out with 1.54 out of 1.61 (i.e., a 95.14% Golden Ratio match).

I plugged in my numbers and I got.... 1.389. Very average. Ha ha. I guess I didn't have that great of an advantage based upon my looks. *snicker*

Anyhow, masochistic people can get their own number using my spreadsheet.