Saturday, April 3, 2010

Re-Evaluating My Life

To those of you who’ve expressed concern about my extended absence, thank you.

Since February, I’ve been flying back and forth to my parents’ place to take my father to his various doctors’ appointments. I’ve been depressed due to what I’ve been slowly learning about my parents.

During my visits, both my mother and my father take turns telling me how much they despise one another. My father actively calls my mother “The Monkey,” and refuses to acknowledge her presence or to speak to her. My mother still cooks, cleans and launders for my father, but nothing more. Both are mired in self-pity and have concluded that they are just “unlucky” people. It's just sad and frustrating to see how these people are actively choosing to be miserable during their last days/months/years of their lives. Neither have accepted any responsibility for their current miserable lot in life.

The silver lining in all of this though, is that I had the epiphany that I love my life. I don't want to squander it. I guess you could say that I am lucky to be observing a real-life “what-not-to-do-with-your-life” example first-hand. I've decided to step back and take stock of my life.

I have so much to say, yet it's hard to put down in writing, since I am experiencing a gamut of emotions simultaneously. Once I can get my thoughts organized, I will post bit-by-bit. Stay tuned.


graduatedlearning said...

Hang in there! I'm glad you're using these unfortunate events in a positive way (realizing what you do and don't want to do with your life)

Sunflowers said...

Ugh, I'm sorry... that is depressing. :\ My mom also expresses the sentiment that she's just "unlucky" - it's up to them to make their own luck!

Moneyapolis said...

Welcome back and sorry to hear about all the family stuff. Good for you for learning from it and making a different choice for your life.

DogAteMyFinances said...

I'm glad to see you're back. I'm sorry you are going through so much.

444 said...

I was wondering just yesterday what might be going on since you hadn't posted for a long while. Sorry about your parents but glad for you. Don't be a stranger!

enza said...
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enza said...

Putting aside your family issues for one moment, your networth is growing at an insane rate. Fantastic. When I have issues in my life, my growing networth gives me something positive to think about when I'm lying in bed (alone) at night.

Your father calls your mother "The Monkey" as in "Monkey on his back" or because she looks like Zara from Planet of the Apes (female chimp doctor - not unattractive but not my cup of tea)?

Shtinkykat said...

@ graduatedlearning & Moneyapolis: Thanks. I'm trying to break the cycle and it's so hard!

@ Sunflowers: I agree. Studies show that people who take initiative often think of themselves as being "lucky" and create their own luck. I guess you can call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

@ Dog & 444: Thanks for the sympathy. I admit occasionally wallow in my own pity-party. Your kind thoughts mean a lot.

@ RMOM: I'll be delving into the root of my parents' dysfunction. Boy, where would I start?

@ Enza: My dad calls my mom "The Monkey," in reference to what he perceives to be her level of intelligence. I yelled at my dad that he is no longer going to call my mother a monkey. With his dementia, who knows whether he'll listen? *Sigh*