I got a gift of a small jar of caviar this Christmas and I’ve been savoring its briny, popping goodness little-by-little, until I came near the bottom of the jar the other night. There was probably less than a teaspoonful left when I said to myself, "Better save that for later." And then I paused and thought to myself, "Save it for later for what? Why not just finish it off now?"
You may find this odd, but something clicked inside my head at that very moment. It was indeed a strange, "lightbulb" moment where I vowed to declutter, stop hoarding and stop purchasing stuff I don’t intend to consume immediately.
Bear with me while I digress a bit. My thoughts aren’t necessarily organized since this self-realization is a cumulation of recent events.
This past Christmas, my family and I went to IKEA to look for some furniture for my sister’s new house. While we were wandering through the store, my father noticed a small box of pencils provided by IKEA for its customers to mark down merchandise numbers. I watched my father take a couple of pencils and stuff them in his pants. At the next pencil box, I watched my father take another couple pencils. I stepped in front of my father when he gleefully tried to make a beeline towards the next pencil box. I said, "You’ve had enough. Don’t take anymore." Taken aback, my father mumbled, "Oh, okay." My sister was more direct, "Put them back." My father refused.
My mother told my sister and me that my father’s been doing this
for years. He brings home buckets of golf balls from the golf range, toilet paper/tissue boxes from hotel rooms, fist-full of mints from restaurants, blankets from airplanes, etc. When my mother told my father to stop, he became belligerent and obstinate so she’s since stopped trying. She sighed and said he probably committed thievery during the war, during his poverty-stricken youth. He stopped as he matured and dug himself out of poverty. But now, with his dementia clouding his common sense and judgment, he’s reverted back to his old habits.
This made me wonder whether some trauma in our life causes long-lasting behavioral problems. I wonder, since over the years, I’ve developed one particularly disgusting habit - - I hoard.
Note: Not my fridge.I think my own personal "trauma" started several years ago, when I maxed out my credit card and got rejected for a new one. I was a week away from payday, had nothing in my savings or checking, had no money or credit to buy groceries. For a couple of days, I survived on stale bread and Top Ramen I bought from God-knows-when. Thank goodness I had a pre-paid business trip that week, where food and drinks would be provided by my employer. I guess you could say I had a Scarlett O’Hara moment where I vowed, "I’ll never go hungry again!"
Now, I realize that I’m being over-dramatic about what happened. I had other options besides going hungry. I could’ve easily called my friends or sister for some money. But I just couldn’t bring myself to admit to my friends and family how bad of a financial situation I was in. I guess you could say my false pride traumatized me.
Ever since then, I’ve been telling myself to, "Save that for later. I may need it." Over the years, my freezer’s been stuffed with items that I’ve "saved for later." If you look in my freezer today, you’ll find bag of chicken wings that has one drummette, a bag of pita with couple of pockets, a box of pyrogies with 2 dumplings, a 1/4 bag of hashbrowns, etc., etc. You get the idea. Many items are so freezer-burned that they’re now inedible. What I've saved for later, that "later" never came.
My closet is similar. I’ve got clothes dating back to when I was in college that I can't/won't wear anymore. Yet somewhere in my mind, "I may need it for later." I somehow can't bring myself to donate something I haven't worn in over a decade.
It made me sad to see my father as a petty thief. Since I’ve also inherited a lot of physical characteristics from my father - - my looks, dark complexion, my curly hair, my asthma, etc. - - I am petrified that I will one day become like him. There's nothing much I can do about genetics but I know I can change my habits and way of thinking. I am hoping that if I make an ongoing and concerted effort now to stop hoarding and completely consume what I buy, I may not end up like my dad or those sad people you see on A&E's show, "Hoarders."
I'm slowly cleaning out my freezer. I've been tossing out items that are completely overtaken by freezer-burn and finishing off what's still edible. I've also cleaned out two bagfuls of clothes and shoes out of my closet. And I still have more to go. This will be a work-in-progress that will take weeks, if not months, to accomplish.
Anyhow, going back to the caviar - - I scooped out the final teaspoon and ate it all. And it was the best tasting part.
